King Billy

I’ve been called old fashioned before. I quite like it.

I remember at school in Belfast there were a couple of Maori’s, three Tongan’s and five or six Samoan’s in my class, and every one of them was prepared to die ‘For God and Ulster’ if my memory serves me right. Good rugby players too, all of them (although I did get expelled for racially abusing the cunts before any of them spoke to me).

Allison has always seemed really nice to me Eric. Nice and fat.

Are Eskimos really poofs Eric? Inuit.

It looks like Tesla are having a few teething problems with their revolutionary new ‘diesel powered’ models.

She posted on Twitter yesterday that she ‘will always be part of the ITV This Morning family’, which must have been a very touching moment for the Schofield brothers.

I can’t believe it’s Arabs v Jews season already. I haven’t even taken my Ukraine v Russia decorations down yet.

Kill yourself. That would be great news.

India Willoughby perhaps? None of the fucking brain dead cunts who watch the daily pile of shit would even notice the difference unless their TESCO budget smart TV froze during the credits or India got a massive hard on while interviewing Sam Smith (they/them) or some other equally vile deviant on the couch.

Poor Holly it appears is still so traumatised by the ‘credible threat’ still posed by this dangerous semi human roundabout, despite the fact that he’s been somehow squeezed into a cell in one of His Majesty’s prisons, that she’s quit her 3 hours per day, 4 days per week, multi million pounds per year job. Yeah Righto. The only person in this weird and totally incredible tale that I can think of who could genuinely claim to be traumatised, would be the unfortunate cunt doing 3 months for not having a TV licence, then finding himself sharing a cell with Prisoner Plum who’s fast asleep in the top bunk above him, calling out Holly’s name in between snores. I smell a rat.

‘Celebrity Murdered at First Sight’ starring Holly Willoughby, with a guest appearance (in the final episode only) by the curiously named Gavin Plum, Holly’s 35 year old and coincidentally 35st. stalker who despite never having been able to leave his house for the three years prior to his arrest, recently managed to escape from Brixton Prison by pretending to eat his dinner every day for 3 months, and then slipped effortlessly through the bars of his cell window and disappeared into the night (with his ‘kidnap kit’ which he’d concealed in his rectum during his incarceration) under his arm.

A bit like doing a 360’ walk around inspection of Roops massive arse (after she’s talked herself into a state of total exhaustion, can’t find anyone else anywhere to argue with, and collapsed with a self satisfied grin on her ginger stubbled boat race.

Can I sponsor you to do a couple more laps without stopping?

She wouldn’t get a job in my parlour.

You may be on to something here. I’ve looked into your theory and I can find no historical evidence of any Islamic racism, bigotry or tbh intolerance of any kind towards non believers ever. Someone should point this out to all the deluded pro Zionist apologists. Full marks to you for doing your homework.

Be thankful that I didn’t bump into you at the time. If I had the corner (with 3 exceptions) would be celebrating the 2nd anniversary of your absence. Fuck off.

Poof.

Useless Yousef has been whinging today about his in-laws being trapped in Gaza due to the Israeli blockade. Ha ha ha ha. I do hope they don’t come to any harm.

Liam Neeson will find them and he will kill them. No thanks for the videos as I make my own in the basement when the missus is down there shovelling coal into the boiler with her 9” stilettos and yellow marigolds on.

Things are going pretty well in Brexitland Panzywoofter. Our dusky leader, in stark contrast to your dusky leader is still as far as we know not an active and enthusiastic participant in the ‘gaping male bottom at bedtime’ phenomenon which has been sweeping across the Emerald Isle faster than the B Specials searching for a runaway fenian in the good old days. And we’ve got Kier Starmer to come soon probably. How could it possibly get any better?

Poof.

My daughter’s seven now, thankfully. And she seems to have grown up really quickly since her birthday party last week which Ahmed kindly hosted for her and her friends above his kebab shop. It must have been some party as her and four of her friends had such a great time that they fell asleep and stayed the night. Ahmed’s cousin drove them all home the next morning in his taxi and even gave my daughter a big hug and a traditional Afghan squeeze on her arse as she got out of the car. She’s having a sleepover with Ahmed’s wife who’s in her class at school on Saturday night. She’s a lovely kid and it’s such a tragedy that Ahmed had to chop one of her hands off that time when she drew a picture of Mohammed with her crayons at school.

Make him pay for your petrol and the £12.50 ULEZ charge too. He’ll remember that long after the scars from the physical beating have healed.