King Billy

Not rhyming slang

Are you Susie Dent?

Depends which century you currently inhabit

Fuck me theyve got an Argos in Wales now. Wow

Dear Juan If you need any snow rest assured you can have as much as you want at a very favourable price. Always your amigo Justin baby

???

There ain’t even that many cunts on this corner

Just been flicking through this months copy of AK magazine. On page 47 they’ve done a great feature of Shamima Begum showing everyone around her magnificent new council home. The bin don’t look right to me though.

Fuckin hell! Sorry mate I didn’t know you’d been through all that too. Still, chin up, your gonna get one hell of a council gaff out of it.

That explains the limp

Khasim Kharum has written from jail to ask if he can join. He said he feels let down by the Co-op who have withdrawn his loyalty card without giving a reason

Absolutely true sir, and to absolutely kill off any last remaining vestige of our once great and world leading place in the sex crime industry these disrespectful foreigners are even importing their own victims now, thereby dispatching us to the annals of history. As my first probation officer once wisely confided to me “One day you’re the dog, next day your the lamp post” as he plunged his hand down the front of my trousers

One of my randomly chosen “devotchkas” in the” old in and out“ pulled a hamstring in her haste to attend some other previously unmentioned appointment. To the observer it must have looked like she was running away from me in a state of terror. That’s why people should not jump to conclusions because things are rarely what they seem.

👊😜

My next door neighbour has a glass leg and a wooden eye. Does this qualify him as a celebrity?

Gordon Brown famously tried to fool the masses by placing a welk in the socket once occupied by a genuine eyeball

True cos I once heard Clive Everton say “Jimmys lost the white ball”

Thank fuck for that. I need a new spark plug for my Honda generator. I’ve been down in my bunker now for 3 days trying to overcome my trembling limbs, huddled up in a ball in the corner behind the wall of spam and pot noodles, wondering wether to venture out into the wasteland to look for a Honda outlet.

It’s a thought but I would still go for the public skinning. Perhaps a people’s vote could decide this.

The old fashioned English working class rapist is almost a distant memory now, due to the massive influx of Eastern European sex offenders who have been undercutting our, admittedly lazy homegrown perverts for years now. All we want is a level playing field. Preferably with a dark wooded area nearby. This could be the brexit bonus they said didn’t exist.

Oops I did it again

Just skin her alive then. And another thing which to me is far more important than this devil puppet is the recycling policy IS seem to have adopted. Decapitated heads and dead babies should have a separate bin to normal household waste For God’s sake people “Think about the planet”

John Wayne Bobbit could probably have the final say on this topic as he arguably paid the ultimate price for sexual shenanigans

Double Jeopardy? Criminal justice act 2003