King Billy

Which is the gay one? They all look pretty normal to me but what do I know. Im thick, if you haven’t heard.

Cunt/fanny? We’re splitting hairs here Stubbs.

Come on Ed. That would be like Andi Peters jumping up and down with joy and announcing that he’d won the 100 grand and the Range Rover in the GMB prize draw. No one would ever take me seriously again. I didn’t get where I am today by cheating the ‘Fanny of the month’ competition.

Two sticks if I remember correctly.

I had a strict ‘no Jacob Rees Moggs, Joe Dakis or Tiddlywinks allowed’ Stubbs, so even if Ed had turned up at the door all blinged up like P Diddy I wouldn’t have bent the rules for him. Unless he called me a racist and threatened me with a huge kitchen knife.

My first and second jabs are for sale if anyone makes me a decent offer. I promised them to a good friend of mine who’s a BA pilot, sorry was a BA pilot. Not sure of the details but it seems he went down the NHS route with 3 of his pilot mates. Their funerals are all next week. One of my ‘reliable’ sources (tinfoil hat gang) let me into a secret today that 88% of BA pilots have been double jabbed and the sudden unconnected deaths of four of their pilots has certain government ministers discussing the possibility that pilots who’ve been pricked might be suspended by the CAA pending further investigation. It’s all getting a bit messy imo. BA tweeted today about how sad the unexpected deaths of four of their pilots was and emphasised that they were all unconnected deaths. Strange comment to make? How exactly does this spokeswoman know the deaths have nothing in common so soon after they died? Methinks the lady protests too much.

Don’t forget the ketchup with my chicken nugget happy meal. I ain’t a cunt you know. All the vitamins and five a day shit is in the ketchup. They don’t want the masses to know these things. Bill Gates is a cunt. Sorry I meant to say a hero. Shit.

That’s as far as I bothered to read Stubbs. As you may suspect, I categorically agree with your observation of the spud worshipping poof.

That’s a bit off key but duly noted.

Eric, with all due respect I wear the tinfoil hat around here. The last thing needed is a big conspiracy theorist weirdo gang fight. You know Ape and Roops will twist the truth and we won’t come out of it covered in glory. I’ve got a cunning plan anyway. It’s only a matter of time before they run out of countries to discover new variants in. Sit tight. The fucking idiots have chosen the Greek alphabet to name the new variants after, so they’ve only got 24 options and they’re already up to about 8. I reckon another 10 to 15 years and you’ll be back on the doors kicking the shit out of loads of cunts as if Covid had never happpened mate. ’Sorry pal, no masks allowed. Fuck off home or I’ll break your jaw. Your bird can come in though. I’ll make sure she gets home safe in the morning.’

Jess Philips MP. Pronouns... She/Her/It/wtf.

Tosser. Fuck off.

Mmmm......Betty.

Sasha Johnson’s beret is available on eBay for any reasonable offer. Slightly damaged/repairable. For sale due to unexpected illness. Please email your name and skin colour. Not available to white people.

Come on LCS. Five minutes? Three weeks actually. Ive told you at least 10 million times not to exaggerate.

baaa!

She looks like a nurseogram to me. She can stick a thermometer up my arse just as long as she doesn’t turn up with a traffic cop in hot pants or a fireman in a leopardskin thong.

I can’t disagree with you here but one must bear in mind that the British Legion made 750 million pounds profit from poppies last year, so they can afford to fight this case. Sorry I meant the Taliban. I’m always getting them and the British Legion mixed up. Old guys with beards eh?

Probably?

I never got why the fuck they were singing about Gordon Brown?

How dare you Gypps. Some of my best employees at the rub and tug were Romanians and I found them, without exception to be enthusiastic, punctual, always willing to learn from the boss (me) fine young ladies. In fact the ‘no knickers’ rule and the ‘fanny of the month’ cash prize promotion were always hotly contested by the Romanian employees. And I should know because I enforced the former and picked the lucky winner of the latter. I was quite sad when I sold the business but relieved in a way as my dick was starting to look like a tramps foot and about to fall off.

Yeah. Tesekuler Ederim Bambino.

I thought that said 'sailors penis' That sounds as if you’ve been thinking a bit too much about seamen (sic) Gypps. lol.

She’s got a face like a twenty year old solar panel.