King Billy

Don’t be surprised when he tells you the Groucho have fucked up his booking but he’s managed to pull a few strings (cocks) and reserve a table for two, next to the Gents, at the Admiral Duncan. Prepare your arsehole.

Spacktrum?

Ape, whilst I totally agree with you on this one, I’m struggling with how a diehard mask fanatic who hasn’t stuck his tongue out for coming on 16 months (unless you’ve been breaking the Covid dictats) to even remember the good old days when a free man could stick his tongue out without worrying if he was signing granny’s death warrant.

You know you’re in a K hole when you make a comment like this. I’m assuming the silent K is a clue to why you’ve lost your mind.

I’m sure Franks surprising sudden interest in football and Harry Kanes not so surprising choice of rainbow bender armband are nothing more than a coincidence, which he might care to explain, as the only poof on the corner during Punkers absence.

Black stroke Woggy paddle

Correct and I have copies of the invoice and final demand (still unpaid) to prove it. The poor girl can’t verify it though as she was last seen getting into her crack dealers car without the cash she promised him to clear her debt. Normally I wouldn’t care one way or the other but I didn’t get my 50% either.

Ah come on now Eric. That would be an ecumenical matter.

That’s a bit unfair Stubbs. The girls an absolute genius. Right up there with Hunter Biden. They’ve both made tens of millions of dollars (absolutely legitimately) despite being disadvantaged by having the parents they were born with. True geniuses. And Hunter did it all with a massive crack habit too.

Carrie Symonds/Johnson. Even Matt Hancock probably wouldn’t fuck it. Probably.the length of the queue and the stench of her flange.

Reported. Bill Gates will be contacting you later. Prepare your arsehole.

Are you OK Ape? Since you’ve been jabbed you seem a bit tense and irritable. CALM DOWN BREATHE DEEPLY STAY SAFE DONT KILL GRANNY (sorry I meant tranny)

Would you like to buy my liver?

Ron Burgundy’s a legend. Have you ever seen him wearing a mask?

Why would they wear masks? Maybe to hide the fact that they’re laughing their little bald yellow bollocks off at the rest of the world.

George Floyds brother is teetering on the edge at present. The poor man has been bravely trying to come to terms with the loss of big bruv, with nothing to help apart from his share of the $27m compensation payment and trying to deal with the pressure of his sudden elevation by the fake news media to godlike status along with the other former scumbag lowlife criminals AKA the Floyds. What has this newly discovered American hero and saviour of the nation done to have the leftards foaming at the mouth you may well ask? Well he made the fatal error of saying in a TV interview the other day that ‘ NOT JUST BLACK LIVES BUT ALL LIVES MATTER’ ......’Reeeeeh!’ Expect an immediate court order stopping him from getting his hands on any of the 27 million and allegations of KKK membership and DNA proof that he’s not a Floyd after all.

I love Ape dearly DC. But years of inhaling the fumes from extra strong propellor paint and a diet of nothing but Tesco Value Beans have taken a serious toll on him. It’s not personal. It’s a scientific debate which may determine the future of the world. Fuck off.

Are you sure he’s up for it?

Ape drinks two litres of bleach before he feels it’s safe to take a chance and change his mask.

Probably misheard them. Everything sounds weird coming out of those lifesaving, virtue signalling, obediency masks which are widely available and clearly labelled as not offering protection against Corona viruses.

If you do you'll be one of the lucky ones. The vast majority will aspire to join you in your ivory tower, even if it’s actually a lice ridden cot.

Surely that’s something that’s been said to you often?

I had a strawberry growing out of my arse. The doctor gave me some cream for it.

If it wasn’t for you pesky kids!