King Billy

‘Football’s going home.’

Sometimes.

Or waiting for the giro to arrive.

Will the M4 be safe in the car park? Actually I don’t know why I asked that. I’ll order a taxi to the docks from the pub.

I love Birkenhead, when I’m watching it disappear from view, as I’m downing a pint on the ferry to Belfast.

I like Panz. It’s just the fenian thing I struggle with. lol.

Eric Bana is fantastic as Chopper. One of my favourite films ever. The one liners crack me up even after I’ve watched it at least four times. ’Nice shirt son. Do they make them for men?’

He’ll be the one holding an emaciated flea ridden mongrel on a piece of string, lying unconscious in a pool of vomit and piss, with a battered, blood covered rusty saxophone lying beside his caved in skull.

That’s a shocking revelation allright. Fourteen? My mum didn’t become a granny till she was 23, but she had a very strict Presbyterian upbringing.

Stubbers It’s marching, rioting and bonfire season across the water. How about accompanying me for a weekend mini break? I’ll pay for the petrol. For the Molotovs, not the car. You can get that. We could drive down south and look up Panz before we leave. Shouldn’t be hard to find. Probably in the first doorway we look.

Old school. Was he from N. Ireland Stubbs? Just asking?

Probably saved his life if you’re talking Liverpool.

‘I can see a lot of soil. Can you see my foot sticking out of the ground? My head hurts.’

10/10 for your work ethic Neil. Not many would put so much effort in just to stock up with anaesthetics in case you forget the hammer and a bit of work comes up on the way to the 24hr garage.

An overendowed male of the species at that.

A word of warning. Don’t let Neil see you doing that.

Sounds like a job for Neil.

Oh yeah. I’ve always had a thing about women with hearing aids. Not in a weird way or anything. And colostomy bags, but that is definitely in a weird way. Thankfully no one except me knows about that.

That’s more like it.

Chopper Read would have probably been refused entry by security if he’d turned up for an interview. They would likely have regretted their decision very quickly though. ’Right boys. Let’s have those toes off now. Chop Chop.’

Get your rat out.

Thanks Ape. That means a lot to me.

I doubt it. Even a fugly beast like her must have a line they won’t cross.

Calm down Gypps. Frank doesn’t get much time on the keyboard nowadays. He has to wait for DC to go for a piss and make sure he puts it down exactly as he left it when he hears the toilet flush. It’s almost as if they’re the same person. Obviously they’re not of course.

I’m happy for you, in spite of your bigoted sectarian abuse. Stock up on fisting butter and Anusol is my advice and that’s all I’m going to say.