King Billy

How would you know if someone liked you? It’s never happened and never will. I’d like you temporarily if you killed yourself very slowly and very painfully. Please consider it as it’s almost certainly the best offer you’ll ever get.

Should I drink some bleach before killing myself?

Shar I always say the wrong thing.

The one thing we can be 100% certain of is that the experimental mRNA Covid 19 ‘totally safe and totally effective’ vaccine which saved all our Grannies from certain death and even made Matt Hancock cry on GMB for free, when he normally charges 10k a day, played absolutely no part in poor POGs name being added to the ever increasing list of unexplained sudden deaths. I bet he wasn’t wearing a mask or he would most likely be OK today.

I’ll never forget Alex miscueing on the final black for a maximum break and the white flying off the table, but still getting 10 grand for the highest break of the tournament for 139.

Eddie

Very interesting.

This is the picture Franks black pimp uses on hundreds of advertising stickers in phone boxes around central London, with ‘Specialises in MPs and Judges’ and his pay as you go mobile number underneath.

‘Sorry about your leg Neville. Fucking cripple’.

Or in the queue at the KFC drive through.

I think Humza Useless is ‘well Sikh’ Baws. I may be wrong though as usual.

There is if you remove all the dinghy’s , sorry ‘small boats’ as we’re allowed to describe them as nowadays. The word dinghy is now far more racist than nigger, coon, paki, sooty or any of the traditional old school terms of endearment that once made this country great. It’s getting so fucked up that I don’t know my ‘booty’ from my Idris elbow now.

Even Beethoven had his critics Nick. See if you can name three?

Fiona Bruce in a B and M duvet cover.

The Krauts seemed to like it.

And take Pen and his massive cock with him hopefully.

It’s becoming very hard to disagree with you now Frank all those times that you’ve claimed you’re the best on here. Can I be your friend on a strictly ‘no bumming’ basis?

No. I don’t have access to the internet, a computer or a smartphone (whatever that is). Sorry.

Frank, what do you think about Philip Schofields younger brother Timothy’s current difficulties? Just wondering if you’d heard anything on the grapevine?

The difference between Frank and Marmite is that not everyone hates Marmite.

Franks been balls deep in the shit since around the time when Rick Astley was No.1.

This sort of allegation surely warrants an extensive probing by someone with no skin in the game who will get to the bottom of it. Peter Mandelson perhaps?

‘Lubilubbing’ my fellow ‘Droog’. A bit of ‘the old in and out’ is likely to result in the ‘Millicents’ sending your ‘neeznies’ away for forensic examination.

If he’s admitting to all this without anyone even asking, what the fuck has he been up to that he hasn’t mentioned yet?

I don’t know. Why does anyone go dogging?