King Billy

My house in Firgas GC happens to be less than 100m from the entrance to the Valsendero-Las Madres nature reserve. A quite scary drive round the mountain up to the house or back down to the coast actually. But more importantly, it’s good to see you safely back from your international corporate cleaning duties and straight back into your true vocation in life (obsessing over me). I’ve honestly missed you, I mean where would I get another nut job madwoman to replace you? A little word of advice which you’d be mad to dismiss though. Next time you find yourself on your knees in some foreign land, cleaning up the disgusting mess left by your boss, don’t throw it all in the hotel bedroom bin. Bring some airtight vacuum bags with you and stash the evidence in the freezer when you get home. In a couple of years when you’re surplus to his requirements and marches you out of the office, as your younger, prettier (and far less annoying) replacement strolls in, you’ll at least have the last laugh knowing that you’ve got the ‘Monica Lewinsky Pension Plan’ ready to go once it thaws out, and you hand it over to your team of high powered lawyers (the ones who got you off with the big foxhunting case). Fuck off. 😂

Said the freak with a foreskin bigger than a Goodyear blimp.

‘I don’t beeelieeeve it!’

Oh dear. I suppose your ‘low rent Spanish Costa’ put down would be mildly amusing (especially coming from someone who’s never shown any sign of possessing a sense of humour before) were it not for the fact that the nearest beach is 30 to 40 miles from my house in GC. Surely your state of the art tracking technology would have shown you exactly where I’ve been? And your ridiculous assertions re the multiple inoculations I had a few months ago can be quite easily put to bed too if you’d like me to PM you the proof? I hadn’t realised that I needed to inform you that we’d postponed our trip to Kenya till next year. Please accept my humble apology for not letting you know. One more thing I wanted to ask you. Do you still stand by your previous statements that the AstraZeneca ‘vaccine’ was ‘safe and effective’? The JVCI warned the government that it posed ‘a real and significant threat of myocarditis and pericarditis to teenagers and young adults’ way back in 2021. A warning which was ignored at the time by arseholes like Hancock, Bozo, Whittey, and the rest of the Covid tyrants because it didn’t fit their nanny state agenda. Where is it now? Harder to find anywhere on Earth than an admission that you’ve ever been wrong about anything. Fuck off.

Are you Michael Portillo’s stunt double?

Doesn’t seem at all peculiar now that you’ve owned up to it.

Are you Victor Meldrew?

Lloyd George and George Floyd. Coincidence? I think not.

Good start, didn’t last.

International man of mystery. If I tell you any more I’ll have to kill you.

Rishi and Volodimir on their way to tonight’s Securicor staff Christmas party.

My Grandad died at Auschwitz. Fell out of the machine gun tower after drinking two bottles of Schnapps.

I knew his dad WD-40. Slippery cunt but handy to have around if you got a puncture and couldn’t get the wheelnuts loosened.

She’s given the game away this time Raaas. As something of an expert on the much quoted ‘oldest profession in the world’, it’s very apparent to me (reading between the lines of the Jane McDonaldesque explanation she’s given re her absence) that her fat ginger arse has taken quite some time to recover from the effects of massive over exposure to the Sun during her recent sellout tour of the well renowned ‘international clapped out working girls farewell circuit’.

Are you Piers Morgan?

I’m sure Sothebys would be delighted to give it pride of place in their next auction catalogue of ‘unique and never seen before oddities’. In the meantime, don’t give up the day job though Raaas.

Foreign food eh? Next time the cunt’s going abroad make him some sandwiches to take with him, or pack him a dozen pairs of spare pants. There’s a good girl. 😘

You wouldn’t be so vitriolic if he was jumping up and down on your ‘downstairs diving board’ in his tight ‘Speedos’. Kill yourself.

Careful Eric.

I’ve been away Eric. Got back today and wished I’d stayed away tbh. Country is shit, weather is shit and even the standard of random birds at the airport left me wondering what the fuck has happened to our country? I’ll check my PM box now.

I’ve got a spare ticket for tomorrow nights ‘Rothschild Fancy Dress Party’ at the Sabbatean/Frankist Club if you’re interested? No need for you to dress up, just come as yourself.

‘Bobby Bog-brush’ maybe?

On holiday on some Caribbean island with Andrew probably.

Don’t make me kick your cunt in when I get back. Apologise and then fuck off for good.

I’m the King 👑 Fuck off.