King Billy

I’ve heard that Anne Widdecombe looks great stripped off. Maybe not great but.. no sorry. I made it up.

That’s the last thing you need with the wailing wall at the bottom of the garden.

Superglue some raisins on as a temporary solution and sit outside naked in the sun until you grow some real ones, at which point you can remove the raisins and stroll off whistling as if everything is normal.

‘Go ahead Punk. Make my birthday’.

I made my own sight from a fairy liquid bottle and some sticky backed plastic. I ducktaped it onto my sawn off blunderbuss. Fucking useless. Last time I’m watching Blue Peter.

Tom ‘Spunky Trunks’ Daley just featured on ITV news. How he can’t wait to compete at the Tokyo Olympics. But then the story moved on to how competing in ‘top level sport’ (2012 bronze medal) pales into insignificance compared to the most important things in his life, which ITV and the little gimp faced bender then informed us eager viewers were his ‘husband’ and child, which presumably fell out of one of their anuses as no other explanation was offered. I must say I was ecstatic to hear this great news story and so reassured to know that ITV will keep me up to date with any important new breaking news.

Eric will have a telescopic sight more than up to it.

Hopefully Long Cancer.

Some cunt was bleating on about this fucking garbage today while I was out driving my imaginary M4. Almost in tears the slaggy fucker sounded, crying about kids futures being ruined and how many of them had severe mental health issues. I thought to myself. How much does it cost to run a nuthouse for fucking teenage fruitcakes? 1.4 billion seems far too much imo, so stop fucking whining and give some of the cash back. Then I changed the channel on the stereo to see if there were any other topical political conundrums I could solve before I got home.

Surely they must have seen the Cybermen attacking. They’re big silver cunts with funny looking heads and they talk all weird ffs.

Not if Bob Geldof gets wind of it.

Big John Holmes had fuck all on Pen DC. It’s enormous.

Abrahomo.

I don’t seem to be dead and I haven’t succumbed to the 24/7 ‘Get jabbed or you’ll kill the world’ Nazi grade propaganda. Anyway gotta go. Those stickers won’t jump onto windows themselves.

Slight breeze.

The other one got accidentally blown off when I was holding the fucking gun sideways.

‘You stay away from here you Commie cunts or I swear Ill lick your fanny’.

A 69 year old frail woman battered and violently arrested today by Greater Manchester Police for the heinous crime of allegedly sticking some anti vaccine stickers on shop windows. The video is on You tube under the title 69 year old Janie ........ on a channel called Marti Blagborough. Fucking disgusting Police brutality which is becoming a daily occurrence recently. This from the GMP who last year by their own admission let 80,000 crimes reported to them go unrecorded and therefore not investigated at all. Strangely though, the Met Police a few weeks ago stood by and watched a handful of white middle class Extinction Rebellion ‘activists cause an estimated £200,000 of criminal damage to the HSBC building in Docklands by cracking dozens of enormous plate glass windows with hammers and chisels. Their excuse was that it would have been too dangerous to take preventative action as the perpetrators were carrying hammers and chisels. Yeah OK. That seems reasonable enough to me.

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Capitalism explained in 9 words.

Stephen Gay Anus.

With Pens girth, the only thing he’d get stuck in is the Channel Tunnel. That’s if he could squeeze the beast in there in the first place.

Rice pudding and very mushy peas maybe.

Sootys commit over half the murders in the US.FACT. Male sootys, and the victims are overwhelmingly sootys in Democrat run cities with the toughest gun laws.

With a pencil wedged between her toes, probably a cookbook titled ‘100 quick and tasty meals you can eat with a straw while sliding around in your own shit and piss’.