King Billy

The first half dozen lashes would have helped him start to regain his mental focus, and by number 50 he’d have been fully aware of what was required of him at work.

12 years a lazy, whining, totally useless cunt.

Can’t remember the name of the Jewish comic but it was the one with the ‘Bash Street Yids’ in it.

Cunt?

Sorry M’am. I’ve been naughty again haven’t I? I think I’ve soiled my undies too. Bad Billy, naughty Billy. In your bed Billy!

The fat cunt was tweeting that he was so ill his favourite fine wine tasted like vinegar or something to that effect. ‘So ill I couldn’t taste my £150 bottle of wine properly’? How ill does one have to be before taking a rain check on a glass of ones favourite wine? Fucking lardarse gobby cunt.

Football benders. Get a room.

I’ve just been reading an article about Iceland and specifically the fact that 90% of the cunts over 16 there have been double vaxed. So fucking what? I thought. There’s only about 4 or 5 people work there, excluding the retard security guard. Then I realised the piece was about Iceland the country. According to this article Iceland was released from lockdown around a month ago and mask mandates, anti social distancing rules etc. were lifted, after 15 months of near constant imprisonment. Bravo I said to myself. Well done, 3 cheers and all that shit. I was so pleased that I even considered popping down to the jib/jab drive through tomorrow to offer up my arm. However, carrying on reading I discovered that the snow worshipping, penguin fucking, puffin munching spackos have been ordered back into lockdown a few days ago. Nice one. At that point I flew into a rage, shouted ‘bollocks’ and started laughing hysterically at the missus and pointing at her upper arm. She demanded to know what I was doing, so eventually I told her not to worry, I’d just remembered something funny that happened in Iceland the other week.

‘The seagulls will follow the trawler.’

Without knowing all the facts regarding this crime I won’t speculate as to the motive of the swarthy looking individual captured on video, responsible for this incident. Ive adopted this stance due to the advice given out by the Met Police afterwards, despite having my own thoughts as to why it occurred. The Met Police ‘spokesperson’ (gender not known) urged the public not to ‘speculate on the motive for the attack, until they can establish all the facts’ The brave boys and girls in blue, (other genders are available) are currently searching for the culprit, who escaped capture at the time and is presently at large.

The fat greedy cunt would’ve eaten you before you hit the floor, just as her family size packet of Doritos popped out of the machine like a bag of coal falling off the back of a lorry.

How’s your dangler?

Just thanks would’ve sufficed.

Check the leaderboard and remember who just put you in the outright lead.

Yeah you got me. I should’ve thought about it before going for one of the corners big knobs. Sorry geezer.

All bullshit DC. I’ve been to Loch Lomond and the nearest bank is fucking miles away.

Jo Brand in a gym? Was she usually very near to the vending machine when you bumped into her?

Easy boy. Don’t get your jockstrap in a twist. If the Velcro gives up you’ll have some cunts eye out.

Doctor who?

Actually it’s not. The truth is in there. Tucked away in your underpants like a hibernating Boa-constrictor.

Fascinating. You seem to be strangely obsessed with whatever I happen to say on certain subjects. Perhaps you should concentrate on your own multitude of inconsistencies and don’t worry about a little old thicko like me. Im here if you need help though. You only need to ask.(as if).

Reported for homophobia.

That extra leg of yours resting on the brake pedal finally got too much for you? Or was it the school run every day, only to sit there for hours, finally realise none of the kids were yours and drive back home on your own crying?

That’ll be Pen. Probably got his cock tangled up in the steering wheel again. He’s quite a bit older than that too. Check your dash cam footage. If there’s no child seats in the car that’s him OK.

Calm down. No ones ever going to call you that.