BREAKING NEWS…..Weird looking 300 year old man claims he still has all his own hair, teeth and has recently grown a real vagina, which appears to be made of silicon and attached to his enormous shlong by a Velcro type material. Experts have described him as ‘far too hideous’ to be investigated closely at the moment, but have confirmed that freaks of nature may exist, and warned the public not to approach it as it’s so fucking boring they could become comatose or even suicidal within minutes.