Dave Umbongo

Take the pendulum off and put one of Pens massive balls in its place, that swinging thing will keep it going for ages.

🎶We are the men in black (skin)🎶 🎶Galaxy defenders🎶

I'm surprised the chimps haven't complained about all the space suits being white. What's wrong with making a denim one where the trousers hang off the arse to try and encourage more of the minorities to become astronauts.

I thought your posts showed some signs of intelligent improvement about 3 weeks ago but I see you've reverted back to your tedious, predictable and thoroughly boring prose. I can only assume that you must have changed brands of polystyrene cement and the fumes must have actually sparked your brain into sentient thought, momentarily. If you're going to be the same old boring cunt, kill yourself.

No, not what you think, but the fucking Northern spastics who somehow think swimming in a big fuck-off wild river is no different to having a bath in the local 28°C heated swimming pool. Of course you're going to get into difficulties, you're not going to put your feet on a nice tiled bottom when you get tired, you're likely to get impaled on an old trolley or bicycle, either that or polio from all the floaty shit.

You mean 'buggering around in a swimming pool' and, you having empathy for a shit-stabber?? Has your account been hacked by Punkape or @Frank?

After last nights performance, that threat carries less weight than Michael Barrymore giving me swimming lessons.

The old traveller principles, knocking her out when you were 12. Which uncle was the father?

Is the subject of this nom any relation Gypps? Like a younger sister or the better looking twin??

You're quite correct Ape. While everyone else churns out post after post to make themselves look a dickhead, you somehow manage it in just one post. You dickhead.

I know someone who also has a sexual interest............, in necrophilia. Do you reckon she'll be up for that? When's the funeral?

Good for her if it gets her to the top of the council house waiting list.

It's the possessive apostrophe because it's her corpse, although technically now owned by Francis in the possession of his Candy chest freezer.

Because its funny as fuck. Just because you haven't got room for them in your freezer with Mings' buggered corpse.

You're only nominating this because you can't ride a cycle without getting your massive cock and balls caught in the chain.

That explains a lot.

I bet you used to wank over Charlie Dimmock too, but have you seen the state of that recently.

Baaaaaastard.

Or a Chipper / Tomahawk, for the younger ones.

Unless Bees and Butterflies is code for raving fucking spastic, I think you're safe.

What does everyone think of all the fucking squabbling in the apolitical Eurovision song contest??? My thoughts, bring back a host like Terry, Vernon Kay or Iain Stirling would do, just someone who isn't a raving fucking poof. This is what happens when you turn something into a gayfest, it gets all fucked up.

The discussion can start by telling the thick fucking cunt that antisemitism is one fucking word, not even hyphenated. What a fucking brick top wanker.

I'm probably sure Francis has this covered by making his own Tena pants out of old Poundland bags.

I really don't know what to make of any of the cunts on here, except perhaps Gypps, she comes in handy for medical knowledge.

Creme, drain-pipe trousers, a Walter Mitty lifestyle and a dead nip in your freezer.