Dave Umbongo

Cue the list of exemptions so the feckless wasters of society will still be able to sit on their arse doing fuck all. ADHD, Asperger's, long COVID, dyslexia, back ache and flat feet.

No, not really. I just need to lose a bit of girth from my legs so I can fit into some creme coloured skinny jeans I recently purchased - they're all the rage you know.

Actually I am on a bit of a diet to shed a few kilos.

If I were a cow there would be nothing better than being served Shepherds Pie or a nice Big Mac. However, It would have been thoroughly inhumane if the cattle and sheep were still alive, don't you think.

He's in the middle of a two-player game with Prints Harry. Donkey Kong. Lol Fuck off

Can you only get this from eating beef and beef products? Does it transfer through milk or does the pasteurisation / UHT process kill it? Does it effect goats so Abdul doesn't feel left out? Do elderly veggies get Alzheimer's? Facts, we want facts otherwise KingBullyshit will be along telling us the cow had received a COVID vaccine

That's cheered me up a bit. Obviously not as much as if you had changed 'may' to 'will'

If you had written Telegraph Pole and then submitted a picture of you hanging by the neck from it I would have given you a like. As you haven't, fuck off

They don't call this CuntsCorner for nothing, you soft shite, and I'm the nastiest cunt on here. That fucking twiglet legged cunt with the prolapsed arsehole Francis, is a lightweight fucking poof that would make Alan Carr look manly, despite what he says about being the best on here.

it was either that or bottles of Old Growler but I thought I would be more cryptic. Have you tried eating dog food? It's got to be the only thing that looks more appetising after its been digested and left in a steaming lump on the pavement waiting for @Wolfie or @Ape™️ to pick it up for use later in one of their sordid man-sex games, at least it's warm.

No, a crate of Pedigree if you must know. Lol Do you keep your Dachshund on a lead? Fuck off

Apart from procreate, and then fuck off.

We've recently relocated to a new office and fuck me if some stupid slag employee didn't wander through the office with a rat on a string, Cock-a-poo* type hound. WTF!! I bet the slag is saying it's her emotional support hound. Fucking load of bollox. (*I've mentioned cock and poo in the same word, cue @Wolfie and @Ape™️ to add their expertise on the subjects)

He was a fucking shit skier though, don't you think?

try Ayrton-kot..., fuck, I mean Senna-kot.

so Wolfie did get you a Christmas present in the end.

Who would have guessed that you would have a car with 'Bent' in its name.

I wouldn't trust them with the power in a PP9 (sic) battery, you stupid fucking cunt.

On the contrary, I thought it was a clever way of drawing attention to the fact that Pen has her very own 'pan handle'. You need to get some intelligent humour.

I was hoping you had mistyped minutes. No offence.

The fucking spastic has spelt (or spelled, you choose) 'scandle' incorrectly. Can you believe he's spelt it like handle as in pan handle @Prints Harry

You must have massive hands.

Don't tell me they've got a useless cunt of an ex local authority employee working in border force. No wonder there's so many cunts getting over here lately and, who the fuck are the other employees in the local authority going to ask if they want some more staples or post-it notes now??

Self acknowledgement is the first hurdle, well done. And, I don't like to use this phrase but, I told you so.

I'm assuming you mean the old 9volt block battery that was actually designated a PP3. A PP9 is a model No. of an early neoprene dildo from the 1970's - putting one of them on your tongue would certainly explain a lot.