Dave Umbongo

Give me an 'R', give me an 'A', give me a double 'T', give me an 'L', give me an 'E', give me a 'D'. What have you got? Irony isn't what your mum does to your y-fronts, you div.

You would know all about impaling with your swinging appendage.

No, but you can use your significant arsenal of weapons to blow Apes brains out. Actually, a drinking straw would be powerful enough.

This cunt couldn't speak highly enough of the whiteness of the crisp bedsheets when coining it in with the Premier Inn advertisement. Fucking double standards (black sheets matter) cunt.

I lost interest in these fucking things when they dropped Henry McGee from the ads.

So what, he would buy any of them.....apparently.

I would tell my neighbours to get fucked but one of them as got a miniature ice puck super glued to the side of their head and the other has 'excessive ear wax'. In summary, they're both deaf cunts so I tell them anything I fucking like anyhow and they just grin and nod.

Thanks for fucking reminding me that this cunt will grace us with his annual appearance leading up to comic relief sometime in March. Lenny is the reason I stumbled upon this site.

I've got one with Lord Burghley on the back. If you don't know who this is then Munich 1958 should be a clue.

I presume (and hope) the lip wound was on your face but I've just seen my digested tea again momentarily thinking of the alternative. Fucking sick or what.

Because you're a boring fucking cunt. (I aim for quality over quantity in my posts, but I note that I don't make the list)

What about Maplins?, the electronics store, not the holiday camp.

Good luck with that on a fire door. They should just hinge it at the top so all doors function as 7ft high cat flaps to circulate air.

The only time I can think there is any benefit of being left-handed is when browsing the internet with a right handed mouse.

Wait until 'color' pops up.

1 in 12,972. I would prefer it if you had rounded up to 4 decimal places rather than down to 5 dp. In actual fact though I understand the Wordle game only has approximately 2,500 varied words to guess.

I tried it for 2 days before realising it's a pile of shit for brain dead morons.

So does Pe,..............oh, forget it.

The only way this story can conclude to my satisfaction would be if some scientist boffins discovered that Bengal cats are prolific sickle cell carriers.

Well someone asked another footballist their opinion on this fuck-storm, and it was none other than team-mate Michail Antonio so don't expect an enlightened response. Fuckwit No2, Michail retorted with his own question, "Is it any worse than racism?" How can physical harm be compared to racism? Or is Michail not bothered because it was a cat? I've think you've been practicing too many headers you thick cunt.

This viral video in some ways reminds me of the 'monkey riding a pig' video, only this time it's kicking a cat.

I'm sure the site hasn't been hacked and this is just down to you being an incompetent fucking idiot.

Perhaps he's aiming to be the most despised cunt in Europe and clearly being a football iron, playing for West Ham, being bleck and being a fucking frog wasn't enough so he's decided to put the cherry on the top and polish it off with animal cruelty. Job done. This frenchie deserves a good going over with a rasp and some malt vinegar for a few hours.

Vitamin deficiency perhaps. I haven't really given it much thought.

Black would certainly describe her mood. Miserable fucking slag, she should be grateful for the jobs she gets because she isn't white.