Dave Umbongo

Are you trying to tell us that you've got potato blight on your foreskin, you stupid Oirish cunt.

Yes. Potatoes, fucking tons and tons and tons of them.

You stupid cunt. Nobody's interested in installing gas boilers, it's all renewables now. As usual, your band of peat diggers are about 30 years behind the curve.

I would expect somebody that hasn't progressed beyond the Ladybird Readers level 5 to take 10 minutes, what's your excuse?

Straight answer, I would say it's going to have the exact opposite effect. Maybe that boring little cunt Ape is right about me*. (* of course he fucking isn't)

If you think I'm a "desperately unfunny dickhead", why would you then encourage me to "keep it up"?, You weird little fucktard.

I did consider it, briefly, at which point I had an equally brief insight into what it must feel like to be you, Ape. Now, be a good boring twat and fuck off.

I honestly thought this nom. would receive more responses. I can only assume the majority of punters (except @Eric Cuntman) don't think this is a cunt and are eagerly looking forward to popping little pills containing their neighbours digested kebab and Guinness, Saturday morning shit.

I think you'll find that it's mostly aluminium foil nowadays and chewing that will likely give you Alzymurs. (It would seem I've forgotten how to spell it)

I have become increasingly aware of some punters bizarre fascination for the brown stuff - I find it quite repulsive. Anyhow, science has come up with the solution to satisfy your craving, https://news.sky.com/story/faecal-transplants-to-be-offered-to-hundreds-with-antibiotic-resistant-superbug-12685557 Eat shit, you weird cunts. Lol

I have to admit, you do end up thrashing them in a "roundabout" sort of way. Fuck off.

What's up Stringfellow? Batteries flat again?

I bought a vintage Gladstone bag yesterday. A Titan cowhide one in tan.

Aside from creme drain-pipe jeans on bandy legs, what would you say is the most suitable attire for a massive gay cunt? I'm thinking a football club shirt with pleated slacks and loafers.

If KB is there I don't know how I could resist trying to knock his Adamantium teeth out.

I've received better offers from poofs wanting to bum me so I'll politely decline, sorry. You'll just have to make do with one of the hundreds of duskies on your doorstep. Have a good night.

Don't worry I will stay away, there's enough piss, shit and vomit on the streets of Londonistan without me adding to it.

On a positive note, if any of the wealthy cunts in Notting Hill are taking delivery of a new piano you will be spoilt for choice for volunteers willing to help you get it upstairs as long as you provide them with cups of tea. PG Tips is their preferred brand, I believe.

How did you know? The colour of the water?, because I can't imagine you dirty fucking frogs would notice the difference in smell.

Happy Meal toys?

I can imagine condoms would have been very useful for your parents......., and for us too if they had used any. Fuck off.

Has anyone mentioned the advert for wimminz period products with the 18stone+ munter on ice skates? It always reminds me of the scene in Deadpool when he's driving the ice resurfacer. I find it rightly annoying.

I used to hang my Golliwog from a tree by its neck. Am I normal @Eric Cuntman?

Not unless your dad is @King Billy, he uses Autosol.

Who remembers the toothpaste ad. with the annoying fucking brat going, "Let me try, let me try..., Mum!!"