Dave Umbongo

.....or a condom.

Let's hope the sperm donor isn't a Dolph Lundgren from Rocky 4 type character as it'll be a struggle to determine who had the dominant genes when the poor little thing emerges from her clam bucket.

A source said "she was sick recently, just seconds before going on air" That's fucking weird because I get sick just seconds AFTER she appears on my TV screen.

Fake news. Mine still returns the same results when I search for 'lesbian bingo grannies full house after a line'

Are you currently flicking your own bean, you filthy whore?

It's no surprise that Trump is president with fucking idiots like Salty Cum Breath voting.

Spelt is the past participle of spell, you fucking ignorant cunt.

It's news because all the words were spelt correctly so they are working on the assumption that it's a tourist. You fucking yanks can fuck off with your 'center' and your 'color'. Learn to fucking spell properly you red neck cunts.

Cut to the fucking chase Neil, did you, or did you not join the mile high club? ps. I don't know whether it still counts if it's gay sex.

Pole vault.

I would have thought South Africa would have been more up his street.

I think we should only rely on wind farms. The drag they create is also slowing down the rotation of the earth so the days are longer and therefore we live longer. Win, win unless you happen to be Frank, and better off dead.

I reckon to celebrate she's going to go out for a drink and get drunk...........I mean absolutely legless.

I am hoping you wouldn't waste your time trying to aim at the helicopter and just shoot the sad twat with the remote control right up the arse.

Sounds impressive. What would it do to a model helicopter and an empty bean tin?

A rather niche nomination. What is your opinion on car alarms at 02:10?

Dex, you fucking tosspot. What do you think of the headline in the EDP about the well 'ard seagulls up the road from your shit pit. Do you think we ought to ask Ape to get his chopper out and scare them away or do you think we would be more successful just using a picture of the geese bothering frog?

Honest question Judy. Did this statement come out how you intended? Just asking.

Well I would certainly rub Alex Morgan's full time sweaty knickers all over my face before slotting in an open goal.

If thats suceeding, I'm glad I'm a failure. Fuck off you faux-posh Walter.

You'll be fucking knackered tomorrow then. I bet they wish they had accidentally wandered into Barrymores gaffe instead.

Dont ever try to stowaway on a plane back to the UK withers because we would think someone had just flushed the khazi after eating rotten cheese and garlic if you fell out. You vile frog. Vivre.

I also heard it was a frozen sarnie. I can't say I've ever felt the need to put sarnies in the freezer rather than the fridge although i've heard The foreign types do have weird food preferences though.

I don't know this Jamie Spencer well enough to determine him a cunt however, the mongtastic posts by yourself in this piss poor effort of a nom. can only bring me to utter the words "it takes one, to know one". Now up your game or fuck off.

Alright then. What does the doddery old fucker want with snipers optics? I'm as obese as Mr Creosote. ps. I fucking hate cider