Dave Umbongo

Moulinex and Saisho

This cunt needs a wood grenade driven through the top of its skull.

The amount of fucking recalls they've had lately on things as simple as a tumble dryer I just hope the Hotpoint factory isn't making ventilators.

None taken. I'm the public, you're a public servant. Just make sure you turn up for work tomorrow you whining bitch.

Michael, is there any truth in the rumour that when you were cremated instead of being burnt to a crisp, you still came out white? But bald, we already knew your hair burns (Pepsi circa. 1981)

I like it especially when Jonathan Ross says his name.

Only birds the fat beardie cunt could get.

If only they knew this picture would be distributed on the internet, I bet the little boy is feeling a right tit!

3 cases of Croonervirus in Norfolk. All from the same family, not that it narrows it down.

John Torode commented, 'I can't believe he's "parstar" way'. (have you heard the cunt say 'pasta'? Its as bad as Duncan Bannatyne saying 'pizza') Google it you lazy cunts, I'm in isolation and not searching for things outside of Norfolk.

All that cash and the tight cunt still doesn't buy any hair dye. Ginger tosser.

I see that Equity have issued Laurence Fox an apology over his opinion on suggested racial treatment of the tanned ex royal. Equity wouldn't have issued this apology without full legal council yet the whole of their Race Equality Committee, that probably has no white "privileged" male members, have all resigned. And as for Daniel York Loh, the chairman of these bunch of cunts blaming racism as an excuse for shit acting and not getting that lead part in Downton Abbey. Fucking snowflakes like this have also infiltrated the BBC by the looks of things.

Still no cases reported in Norfolk thanks to the shitty road network linking us with higher levels of civilisation.

Today, reading other headlines it seems the Oirish are closing schools and colleges. As if the Paddy Wacks and PansyMufty in particular couldn't get any thicker.

Reading the headlines it appears to suggest the actual testing procedure is the cunt that kills you. "Two more people die after testing positive for Covid-19", the poor cunts would probably still be here if they hadn't have been tested. Fucking NHS and its targets.

Are you sure they're not County Court Bailiffs, you defaulting fucking freeloader??

My portfolio is looking quite healthy thanks to my investments in The Scott Paper Company and DCS Group. You've got to keep your eye on the ball and predict what the fucking idiot general public are going to do next.

Fake posh boy etiquette says you should always chew your food with your mouth closed. I'm with you on this one Henry Winkle-Sniffer, lip smacking cunts should keep their fucking gob shut. What's your opinion of (fucking excessive!) yoghurt pot scrapers??

Find out what time this prick from McKinsey goes to take a shit. Before he gets in the trap remove the toilet roll, unravel some length and randomly apply Pritt Stick glue in various areas before throwing any granular material on it, the sharper the better, sand, sugar, glass, iron filings etc.. that'll teach the cunt to understand the meaning of granular when he's letting more blood than a bakers dozen of periods from a haemophiliac lesbian out of his arsehole., or you could just sprinkle lots of sugar between the gaps in his keyboard.

Plus, if you get caught driving with excess alcohol in your system you can tell plod that you've only had one and the rest has been absorbed through your skin from all the 70% proof gel you've been cleaning your cock with, er......I mean washing your hands with.

And total fucking gullible idiots for believing the reported fuel consumption figures.

You've missed an 's' out of your film title you thick cunt. I'll give you a clue, it's not dessert. Are you pissed?

It's a film about drag queens taking a road trip across America, you uncultured cunt.

To wong foo, thanks for everything!

Thanks for giving me a 'Like' for my rant about the word like. Bastard!