Dave Umbongo

Buggery off.

Methinks the queen doth protest too much.

One day you'll have to tell me how you get so expert at cut and pasting your own tedious comments. Reduce, Re-use, Recycle! Try and work harder on the first one.

That's the one thing that always seems to get forgotten about during gender reassignment, the old clothes you can no longer wear. How did it go?

You stupid cow. You're thinking of Nikki Fox, the woman who looks like she's gurning a massive turd out when she talks.

I bet you would still love a suck on his chipolata though, you filthy old whore.

Ironically while out driving today, I pulled out of a side road leaving plenty of space between me and the next car coming only for the fucking idiot to sit on my bumper as the stupid little cunt must have been speeding. So I brake tested the little ball-less wanker a couple of times before leaving the fuck ugly little cretin in my dust. I thought to myself, I bet he has a micro penis and flies model helicopters.

Now just caught a glimpse of this cunt on Springwatch, BBC2 8am this morning and, word for word he said the following, "If you have kids or grandkids, take them out to the countryside, let them touch it, let them feel it, let them get slimed by it". I think we've just found our next suspect. He's always said he dislikes Yew Trees.

Only because she mis-spelt her name on the application form, C A R E S S A

Looks aren't everything you know Frank, you bandy legged, tramp dressing upturned mop with a creme bin.

£2k - £3k per week per head until the residents life savings are rinsed dry means there shouldn't have been a shortage of funds for care home managers to get their arse into gear and do a better job of managing their care home, but no, they've certainly fucked up. Let's blame the fucking government for our ineptitude. I fucking hate the cunts.

How the fuck is he going to get his windows clean if he does that?

Which ones the bird??

No, it's because the nice Policeman requested you to stop and you didn't. In my (limited) experience of this, the rozzers select the right time to indicate for you to pull over, when THEY think it is safe to do so. As you decided to carry on and not comply with the initial request it was then considered prehaps you had something to hide. So, lesson is, next time a policeman asks you to do something, fucking do it. Problem solved and you wouldn't be embarrassing your child, your neighbours or whining about it like a 'woe is me' bitch. Fuck off.

Guy Fawkes obituary?

Wouldn't the gorilla enclosure make him feel more at home, and you for that matter if you're holding his cock.

I bet you wish you had a magic torch.

The moany little bitch finished 4th. Shouldn't have had your car painted black, it was overheating you stupid little cunt. A basic understanding of physics would tell you that let alone a whole team of F1 engineers. What an utter cunt.

I am waiting for some cunt to demand white wall tyres on their car. All these black tyres making black fucking circles all over the track is giving me a headache.

Joe Lycett??

Apparently if it was also converted to run on gas it would kill any opposition.

The little cunt Lewis is calling his fellow drivers out because they don't want to show support for the political movement that is BLM, yet this little fuck weasle is happy to drive a Mercedes Benz who also manufactured a lot of the vehicles for the Nazis. JLM.

Can I suggest that if you and Ape are going to walk along a railway line can you make it the London to Liverpool line whilst flying a kite in a rainstorm, and wearing ear defenders. Hopefully you will either get mowed down by a train or burnt to a crisp. Thanks and enjoy your walk.

Ape has royally fucked up on his use of the term 'risk'. He really means 'hazard' meaning something with the potential to cause harm, and I think he means the following, broken glass, spilling someones pint, Wong flu, getting bummed in the toilets, having too many Babychams or Cherry B's, all hazards with the potential to cause harm in your local, well, all except getting bummed unless you happen to be in the same pub as Punky, Ape or Decimus.

Do they really say opposites attract?? Not on this fucking site, see above.