Dave Umbongo

I see the BAFTA's on TV tonight are making sure they tick the ethnic box big style. What the fuck is Life and Rhymes anyhow??

Better that, than Ape's new avatar. In fact, scrap that. Any avatar used by Ape as I've realised it's not the avatar that makes it a cunt.

You're right, it's a fucking pathetic idea, you stupid cunt.

I have some retired cunt who lives next door with a petrol lawnmower that seems to get fired up every other fucking day at the moment. If it continues for much longer I'm going to be depositing a bucket of pea shingle on his grass under the cover of darkness to see how long the glazing in his conservatory lasts.

The police are looking for the offenders to give them a Covid fine for breaching social distancing rules, unless any one knows how to stab someone from 2 metres without using a throwing knife.

I've had my 2nd Covid vaccine and the only difference I noticed between this and the 1st one, apart form absolutely zero side effects, was the inordinate amount of questioning from the doctor with the little prick about previous side effects, risk of blood clotting etc. and, even though I was sat poised with my sleeve rolled up ready, being asked 3x times if I still wanted the vaccine. Anyhow, alcohol keeps your blood thin and minimises clotting risks so fuck off, and antivaxxers are just little pansies with needle phobias.

What a total cunt and what sort of an example to set to young people who you're supposed to represent. If you don't get your own way, then resign, or give up, as I like to call it. Quitting only shows he wasn't prepared to roll up his sleeves and just get on with it and do the best he can for the kids with the resources he had been given. What a fucking tosser. Although saying that, I would rather the money spent on education then the 'world leading' track'n trace and that useless fucking slag Baroness Dildo Hard-on.

Don't forget drinking overpriced spick lager in a local gay bar when he arrives at his destination.

You get what you pay for, you tight cunt.

Sta-hard cream?

OF&H, series 5, Ep3. You big spaz.

I thought it was little Lennox Gilbey.

No just a 40" which is more than adequate for most people. Only chavs have 50"+ TV's. Anyhow, now that I've mentioned this multi view, multi zoom, multi focus dogs bollox of a TV programme give it a watch and see what I mean. It's like a ticking clock - not annoying until someone draws your attention to it.

I'm trying to watch Dragons Den on the telly-box and there's so many fucking view changes, soft focus and zoom shots that I'm getting motion sickness while sitting on my fat arse. What sort of cunt thinks all this bollocks and focus change shit is a good idea to broadcast a programme. I would happily torch the fucker responsible.

Prick.

On the contrary, crocodiles are technically dinosaurs and plenty of people have been killed by them. Alright mainly Africans and Asians so I guess they don't really count.

A papier-mache dinosaur! Who the fuck can't fight their way out of a papier-mache model? Was he gay or something?

Don't stereotype. They might have been having a Scrabble party while sitting around drinking Pimms & lemonade. And then an argument ensued about two 'O's and not a 'U' in BLOOD before somebody decided to spill some.

This only goes to show that no matter how argumentative or obstructive you are with your point of view, if the person that disagrees with your point of view has got a loaded gun you are not going to win the argument. I think she probably argued with the wrong person on this occasion, at 3am in the morning when you've got 3x kids? What was she (not) thinking of?

They would defintely have to be guided as the crips on these things don't seem to have any sense of direction, spatial awareness or speed for that matter.

Do they make one with bull bars? Just in case you're unfortunate enough to find yourself in the middle of a crush when worshipping your sky fairy.

When I first saw the title of this nom. I thought, 'oh great, that spastic LadyP has written a nomination about brown sauce'. Imagine my surprise to read that it wasn't about brown sauce, but it was about a couple of shit stabbing degenerates who make their own brown sauce. Fuck off and die, poofs.

I guess we can expect one of them to pen a self help book on Anal Prolapses next.

Isn't a Golliwog ethnic? Has she got any of those?? I fucking love Robertsons jam, especially blackcurrant.

Fuck 'em. I prefer Burger King anyway as they remind me of King Billy, the best poster on here. For anyone in doubt, that is a Whopper.