Dave Umbongo

Why have these lorries got actual stuff in the back and not a load of dead Chinese migrants like ours?

The reason these cunts can't find anywhere to swim is because anywhere that's managed and hence has lifeguards won't let them in the water while wearing about 5 yds of cloth to drag them down and effectively waterboard themselves. Fucking stupid cunts.

What are you on about?, shit floats.

It PM'd me saying they wanted to see my big bollox.

The illustrators name is clearly made up and I reckon the writer is called Lee Pit leaving the other random letters to describe what he is.

It makes the Legz Akimbo Theatre Company look 'normal'.

I want to know if the costume is readily available or if it's a one off special commission. Either way, it's very worrying for normal society.

I don't suppose there's much need for actually wearing socks at this time of year.

Mr Muscle. Drink his drain cleaner, you fat cunt.

I'd love to see the cake with the little figure of the bride on top looking less plastic than the real thing.

Nah. I think she was just on the blob. Women become irrational for a few days during this for some fucking unknown reason. She should do what Steph McGovern does and man-up.

Was your grandad cryogenically frozen at the time? If yes, I can see the benefits of getting a lift in an ice cream van.

That sounds more like your entire existence, you stupid cunt.

Fuck your 4 % pay rise demands, here, have this cross and shut the fuck up!

Drink bleach, then piss it out all over the fucking snake, It'll be the whitest albino python ever.

Fuck the black / brown rat paradox, I'm more interested to learn how the foreigner has gone to the expense of providing level access into his shop for the local flids

I see that Princess Di's old Ford Escort has sold for over 52 thousand fucking quid. A shitty old Ford with 83,000 miles on the clock. Oh hang though, it's the Ghia model and the drivers seat belt is like new having rarely been used.

They're the same colour as shit so you would think they float quite well however, perhaps being mentally dense is also reflected in their bodies.

Bog roll and Femme Fresh?

Give him a break. Making these figures up is hard enough let alone when you've got a couple of handfuls of the hired helps arse whilst she's trying to suck your face off.

Talking of frogspawn, where's that cunt 'scrotes now that the frogs have been shat out of the Euros?

Poetic irony if the country that fucked off the Eurozone walks away with their trophy. Fuck off Jenny Foreigner too.

Pretty much how every woman in Whitehall gets a job - she's prepared to shag anything to progress her career. Although Baroness Dido Harding seems to scupper this detailed person specification for a role, I therefore can only assume she must be one of Council Cakes Porta Potties that he seems obsessed about.

In an ash tray??

Is this piece of shit not dead yet?