Dave Umbongo

I'm now round the relatives and my niece is speaking such fucking shit that I think I would get more sense talking to those 27 brown cunts who drowned in that dinghy the other month...., after they had drowned. Would you mind punching my nieces skull in after you've finished with yours @Eric Cuntman ?

Welcome to Gloucester, twinned with Tonga (only very recently)

Only empty cans. Why bother putting them down.

Do me a favour love, if you've got any booze in the house George isn't likely to be fucking about with books in the library is he?

Like the old trayed of spelling??

Well these little fuckers have taken all the fun and ingenuity out of stalking. You can now register one of these little things, attach it to your future girlfriends / boyfriends / rape victims car and stalk them via your computer. Apparently it's all the rage in the US.

Nice avatar Joey.

I don't like ***.

Just because you speak the same as a youngster doesn't mean you are one, you old fucking hag.

And a bottle of Bumbardier, no doubt.

I've just watch a 20 second BBC interview with a Bristolian school child and counted the word 'like' used unnecessarily 8 fucking times!! It seems to have substituted 'erm'. I fucking hate Likes.

Why don't you have a wank over the automatic shredder instead.

Instead of looking for errors in my posts why don't you expend your energies posting something mildly amusing to the rest of us - and not just your little wank sock puppet, Ape.

Stupidity has no boundaries Wolfie. Accept your fate.

Its Duvel, you utterly stupid fucking cunt. I first had this in a bar in Ypres when the bar offered us a free drink just because we were English. To be fair, my grandad did help to send the krauts packing so I guess it was worth it. I also like Rochefort 10 if you can find anywhere that dispenses it.

Hand sanitiser. Its 70% alcohol (minimum), you don't need a licence to dispense it and it's freely available in just about every shop or office you set foot into. FFS, I can even drink it out of the bottle in my local doctors surgery. I like the aloe vera fragranced one as its just like drinking one of those new fancy gins. How's your bacon katana Brony? have you fucked your step moms arse with it lately? you weird cunt.

I use it on an old netbook that's running Linux Lite and it is fully compatible with MSOffice 365 documents. Bill Gates can fucking piss off if he's thinking of getting any of my money for software packages that constantly receive updates because his tardy, useless fucking code writers cant do the job properly for the release date

Jackie Collins lives on.

Good old Nadine. Fuck this gravy train up for the shit stabbing luvvies at the BBC, they'll only spend the extra on protecting nonces and poofs.

I nearly had a novicelapse once after dropping a Harveee Pryce sized kid off at the pool.

Don't you find a mask helps cover your rotten gnashers?

Presumably that was the door of the local creche or playgroup, you fucking lightweight.

Good on him. Stupid cunts sho think they can still drive around on their mobile phones deserve to be arse fucked with a cactus drizzled in vinegar.

He was from Bolton, identified by the fact he spilled chips, gravy and pints of John Smith's from his guts when shot down.

If it's any consolation I think I had a really good wank on the eve of Prince Philip's funeral and I actually think I was curling a post hangover log around the u-bend at the same time they were throwing the old cunt into the ground. Do I need to apologise to Liz?