Dave Umbongo

I'm not surprised you haven't heard about them, Scotland wouldn't have been invited.

Well at least this news has taken the focus away from Downing Street parties.

My advice, Kill him without causing him to bleed or release any other bodily fluids.

Let's hope not, and by that I mean I hope it's not just a threat. Can I request you have those little prawn vol-au-vents at your wake. They're nice

This seemed the most appropriate nomination to talk about burnt olives...., sorry, I meant the fact that the sex-on-legs minx Anna Karen from On The Buses has died a horrible death in a fire. My condolences @cuntspotter.

If 'we' did pull the trigger I doubt we would have missed*. (* @Eric Cuntman I assume this would be counted as a miss as the target is still alive after a head shot)

More like "Nightmare of Jeannie" now.

Never heard of her, but it sounds as if she's got a lovely lady-garden.

Obvious question but, why have you got a non-functioning Ryobi drill?

The birds in the Carry-on films were the council slappers compared to Diana Rigg in The Avengers.

Any chance you can follow Queenies example? I think I would raise a glass of Creme-de-Menthe at your wake if that happens, mint goes well with lamb.

There's not many things that make me want to smash my Sangean PR-D5BK radio to bits, but this washed-up old hags laugh really grips my shit that there isn't enough swear words to express how this really fucking winds me up. Give it a listen, I dare you. ps. The music on her show is equally shit because it's all show tunes from musicals, but it's delightful respite from that fucking awful laugh.

I'll have to get some longer envelopes if they start thinking about putting that fucking horse-faced, Camillas mug on the stamps. They better be self-adhesive too because I'm not fucking licking them.

Do you think wing-nut gave it to her or do you think this is all bullshit and they've just invented a story to take the heat off of the family kiddie fiddler (allegedly). Money talks., and shuts people up as well.

I'm actually expecting 'the boys' round mine tomorrow, if you can expect a cold call, where they tell me about all of the loose roof tiles I've now got and how they can fix them for £4500 each.

Look, that Ape character is a real cunt.

I would say a 9/10. But then, I would give the publication of another Fwank music video 8/10.

I've told you before, we don't have a personality disorder.

Can you catch Covid from someone while you're consuming them or will I have to keep my mask on.

My mistake Wolfie, I can see you're not rattled at all. Carry on, nothing to see here.

Talking of stupid cunts, I wonder if Stringfellow-Ape will be flying one of his squadron of Airfix helicopters.

* Wind-sock. Don't forget he's got quite a big gob at the other end.

Did it look like it was pulling a 'wheelie'? (RIP MikeD)

Eunice, not Eunuch, Frank. Fuck off

Allah bless you, DP