Dave Umbongo

If Wolfie did that I expect Ape would leap to his defence on his behalf like an obsessive little Barry Chuckle type character.

of course not you daft cunt, he's neither Greek or German

Fuck. I've been well and truly rumbled there.

The only thing Ape knows about cotton is that it is used to line the gusset in Wolfies' pants.

I can't see that this will be any use unless the Environment Agency are going to establish some cotton fields in their portfolio of land to manage

Misogyny or Misandry? it's difficult to tell from the image

I wondered how long it would take for Prince Andrews biggest fan to turn up.

I think this post has just cemented your position as Punkapes replacement for the biggest gay on the corner. Well done.

I bet Neil still would even before she gets really cold.

The Search Bar? I don't think I've been to that one yet

Anyone got any recommendations for any decent telly tonight because I've a feeling this news is going to be drilled into our eyeballs, ad infinitum.

I'm drinking cherry flavoured Pepsi Max tonight, how's that going to fucking work you stupid cunt?

Oh for fucks sake. It's now going to be even more difficult for me to carry around small change in my pocket with coins that have got a lump on one side to accommodate the profile of jug-ears.

The only black thing that I'm aware of that contains the word Roots is the mid 70's TV series. Shit ending though.

Imagine if aliens encounter them and say, "fuck this, they all look the fucking same to me"

I've got wood! Not that sort, you fucking poof. Lots of seasoned wood for my multi-fuel stove. Some nights I light it just by igniting my breath, vodka is best.

Ming (the merciless) Dynasty. It sounds as if it's been done before.

Halt die klappe!

Well it looks as though Priti Patel is resigning as home secretary so I'm going to propose that @Eric Cuntman is considered for the role as I think he would be just slightly more enthusiastic about controlling illegal migration......or any other form of migration that only involves foreigners.

Only irons use irons, you fucking,........iron.

The way you read everyone like a book is uncannily accurate, you're definitely the best on here.

Fuck the rest of you, I'll be okay then.

....with a 1000 brown bastard migrants struggling to get in the car as it hurtles downwards.

You contribute as much to this site as Stephen Hawking did to distance running. Fuck off.

Popular presenter of Children in Need and worked for the BBC???, When are the kiddy-fiddling accusations going to start?