Dave Umbongo

The alcohol was Balmuir blended scotch whisky from Lidl - there's no point using anything better with a cherry cola mixer. You can pair it with any crap food you want but in answer to your question, the food I had it paired with, from memory, was roast beef* (*flavour Monster Munch, grab bag)

Pairing Jamon with fucking cider? Jesus Christ, get down the off-licence and pick up a bottle of Pedro Ximinez sherry. Cider should only be accompanied with stale crisps from a park bench.

I bought one, together with the quim-trim and clag-gone. A buy 2 get 1 free deal.

I like the way she's gone to the effort of putting earrings in, like sprinkling the shittiest dog turd you ever saw with glitter.

That's your vulva, you big girl.

I think I might move to your area of the swamp Dickless, Great Yarmouth have voted Reform in.

Well at least your walls don't have as much of your excrement over them if you've spoiled your paper. Well done.

As the only website that I well and truly trust with the advice that is freely given out by other posters on here, apart from drink bleach obviously, I just wondered if we could get a better idea of which way it's going to go tomorrow. I'm definitely not voting Labour, and Conservative have allowed to many errors to persist. Libdems and Greens is just a wasted vote and I'm not aligned to some of their policies so, I'm voting for a fellow cunt in Nigel Farage and his Reform party, simply because it really can't get any worse and it'll be entertaining if the 'two main parties' get a bit of a kick up the arse. The current CC poll statistics therefore have Reform in the lead by one.

He's going to shit his shorts if he misses the next penalty then.

Guy Gibson's dog would have scored by now, there's plenty of those Eddie types on the field too.

He's right though. Why bother spending money on something that you can solve with a good kick up the arse and telling them to sort themselves out.

Is it true your latest model helicopter is a Sea King only you've scrawled 'Semen King' on the side of yours so everyone knows whose it is?

I've got one. It's because you're an annoying and thoroughly boring cunt, like one of those flies which fly in circles just under your light fitting In the lounge, and when you decide to fuck the thing off it's nowhere to be seen only to reappear again as soon as your arse hits the sofa to continue watching Airwolf, Season 3 on repeat. You know exactly what I mean.

Racist cunt

You only have to mention wit and intelligence and here I am, Just like Beetlejuice.

Some aristocratic tarts (Lady P) don't need a strap-on as they have their own green anaconda sized monster.

@Decimus what do you think of your own Norfolk grown spindly cunt going tits up? Adam Gilespie apparently suffocated in a BDSM cage waiting for his partner to come home - its all in your local rag. Were you working late??

Did he get crushed by a tyre that accidentally fell from the tree when he was swinging in it?? Or was it that fucking piano they were trying to move upstairs?

Come on Scotland...,.eh I mean, Come on home Scotland. POS.

Even by your standards, that is a totally predictable and entirely expected reply. Fuck, you're boring.

You've been quiet this month Ape, have you been busy organising things for you and your bumder pals.

I quite like Rylan as a presenter, don't get me wrong. If I was standing at the urinals and the lanky twat came and stood next to me I would cave his stupid fucking skull in with a basin tap. @King Billy I would extract his teeth and keep them as spares for you Bill, although you might have to clean the blood (and cum, probably)off them before use.

All this fucking bollocks has resulted in me feeling physically sick while making my post-hangover jam on toast in the morning using Mothers Pride bread. I get so many mixed messages looking at the logo on the bread bag that I've resorted to using a different brand for my Golliwog jam topping.

Those fuckers at Santander have recently updated their App software to require 2FA but unfortunately when I set the account up 3 years ago I used my work mobile as the primary number so, I can't access the sodding account anymore using the mobile app. Well fuck you, you fucking Spick cunts I'm off to Nationwide. I get a £200 switching bonus too. Don't panic, I have two other current accounts so Manor BigBollocks can still keep the home bar well stocked for the Euros.

They could have had a 'whip' around and purchased something better.