Dave Umbongo

Really, I'm thinking of Francis and matchstick men.

@Ape™️ likes them so much that he's called the space between his ears the Sycamore Gap since some cunt cut that tree down.

Obviously not a very good header of the ball if he made it to 86 years without going mental.

What I fucking want to know, how many white actresses auditioned for the leads in Sir Lenny (double-standards) Henrys' new drama, Three Little Birds??? Shouldn't actors be considered for parts based on their ability, not their skin colour?? Oh fuck, I forgot racism only works in one direction. Gatanga you cunts, Gatanga!

Fuck off, you one dimensional dull cunt

Fuck off you Milksop cunt.

Brilliant. I would have gone with, pikey slapper.

I'm not sad, my sides are still hurting from laughing so much. F-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-fuck off, F-f-f-f-f-f-f-frog.

Talking of dumb, I'm now watching BBC 1 News @ 08:25 and they're doing a feature on stammering with a couple of guests - it's absolutely fucking hilarious but also somewhat frustrating, watching Thomas trying to get words out but pulling facial expressions as if he's on the vinegar strokes.

The wife has a new car with a load of Jap-crap gizmos on it and the few times I've driven it (whilst sober) the stupid fucking thing automatically switches on high beam when the sensor 'thinks' they're needed which leads to the dazzling of any vehicles in front of me and then comes the subsequent fist waving and name calling from other drivers that have been temporarily blinded by the fucking super white LED headlights on the piece of shit i'm driving. I fucking hate it.

Houston, we have a problem...........mainly with drugs and bathtubs. Which coincidentally reminds me of that Level 42 hit, Running in the Family. Fuck cunt pissflaps off.

Well, if I had a mic on me when I was in the toilet I would be saying things like, "Why couldn't Simon have broke his neck when he fell off that fucking scooter" and, "Slutty Amanda is only here because of that dimwit Les fucking Dennis put his cock in her" and "that talentless bint Aleisha Dixon has got a 40 woodbine-a-day voice" before letting out the biggest splashback shit that was ever recorded.

even spastics and perverts gravitate towards a natural leader. What can I say.

Do you think it's anything to do with the Yanks fondness for Montgomery Burns of Springfield. there's a remarkable resemblance.

It'll be the chattering of his Royal Doulton teeth because he can't afford to have the heating on if no ones pre-ordered a Christmas tree yet.

Hard to believe that this senile old cunt might one day have one of his skeletal, arthritic digits hovering over a big red button!!

Even with loads of dosh I still need to see value in things, it's the main difference between those that have earned wealth and those that have been gifted it.

Of course you do. A career in politics awaits you.

The leaderboard is just there to make the shallow, insecure people feel a little bit better about themselves. It's a load of fucking wank at the end of the day isn't it @Decimus?

Not to eat. The sausages were stuffed up his arse while he gorged himself on the beans, after which he would go and fuck around with polystyrene cement and kids toys. A day in the life of a retard, eh!

You can't beat Patti Austin for the voice of the 70's in my expert opinion.

London's one big fucking circus, borderline freak show anyhow. I fucking hate the place.

is there any other death?

You're about 20 years to late with this nomination.

I remember that. He was wheelie, wheelie angry, the daft (boring) cunt.