Dave Umbongo

And 'Virgin' (airlines) written all over it.

Crayon. Or his own shit.

Dear Noel Edmunds, How the fuck do I get out of this one? Love, Jeremy. x

Are you suggesting somebody else's?

Fliddie Starr seance again?

Finally, A gyppo with a crystal ball that fucking works.

He always wanted the kids to 'Ben' dover.

These women, are prime domestic abuse candidates in my opinion. Get a good fucking slap off some fella and then go back for more. Graham should be waiting backstage to give them therapy while ogling their tits through his Bono specs.

What. Even on the Family Chase?

So the oldest professional model criticises people for wearing jeans to the theatre and says 'women should look in the mirror more'. Well, all I can say is, women can always change their jeans whereas your wrinkled skin is there to stay you jealous old sow. And the reason you made a living just standing around like a clothes horse being photographed is nobody's the least bit interested in what you've got to say.

May I be the first to point out, CONFLICT OF INTEREST!

Welcome to the corner Get Fucked. I mean, welcome to the corner. Get fucked!

Beanz Meanz Rattled.

Some of their items are okay. I've never tried their beans though, perhaps another poster can provide an opinion.

Kan eye have Edukashun Sekreterry?

Yes I do. And foreigners, they're cunts too.

You started really well as I was thinking this was going to be about the conversion from B&W customers to coloured customers. I can safely say that all my friends are coloured if that's any consolation.

A rather niche nom. Neil but, aren't all Turks cunts?

Erm, Ditto!

Did your nan pass away in 1978?

Jimmy? (Bell Boy!, Bell Boy!)

Penelope. A proper lady.

Congratulations. On getting 'old' and 'new' together in the same sentence so no fucker knows what you're on about.

Well you can't get a more hermaphroditic name than Kerry. Has she got big hands to hold the big glass of merlot (at £9.99 I would expect a bottles worth)

Reported for getting rattled.