Dave Umbongo

With the choices available nowadays - LGBT+, binary, non-binary, oh, and male & female, you could have a mixed football (soccer - Salty, you cunt) team with every participant being slightly different.

You'll have to drop one of your selection in favour of Alison Hammond, you fucking racist.

Drag queens I can stomach in so much that you can see what they are - fucking mentally perverse. It's the poofs that blend in with normal society that fuck me off, you know, the ones that don't even wear rainbow laces to identify themselves - bumming by stealth!

I bet you've got an endownment mortgage too. A fool and his money.......

He's a cunt for being a stupid fucking remainer. It just goes to show how out touch with society the legal profession are however, fair play to the cunt for battering a ginger to death with a bat. Any chance I can request Chris Evan's and Ed Sheeran for an encore.

I'm trying to form an image of Theresa and Emily jelly wrestling in a kiddies paddling pool for the Labour leadership. This is even too perverse for my warped mind it would seem, which I'm actually quite glad about.

There's clearly a hidden message in these presents Trumped-on, if you can't see it then they're fucking perfect presents for you.

...........Is the very reason there's nearly 1.4 billion of the slimy yellow cunts on the planet. No offence.

Are you getting divorced by any chance?

I'm not into my religion except the religion of peace and goodwill to all men (and Ape), at this time of year but, don't Catholics hate Christian's? On a semi related note, what do people think of Guinness flavoured potato crisps. Is it me or does it feel a bit like getting your central heating gas supplied by the Jews?

Yes, I know what you mean. I went to school with a cunt like that although, come to think of it, he did have a younger ginger haired brother called Harry.

Us normal folk of the UK send all our criminals and other undesirables to the other side of the world. Nothing has really changed in 200 years.

I take it you haven't read the bumper Christmas edition of Watchtower this year.

If you could put perforations in it and wind it on a roll my arse would be grateful.

Theres another thing all of the Christmas lunches that YOU have been on have in common, and alas I think you now know why they have been shit.

No., or Kaitlin Jenner and Caster Semenya.

Correct. The only criteria that is adhered too at all times is, they must be cockless.

If I was playing against her I would mess around with the double tops before finishing her off in the bullseye...., from behind of course. Fnar, Fnar.

The commentators curse. Well done.

It's the fucking Muslims. They're the ones buying this fucking record, i personally can't think of a valid reason why they wouldn't really.

I see you've set your sights low, as I've heard gravity isn't her best friend as she's getting older.

I drink Peregrine Premium nowadays, it's more refined for the discerning drinker. Suckers. Lol.

I'm fully aware how fast 87mph is so I don't need any course to make me more aware. fuck off.

Fiddling with your own pre-pubescent sized micro penis whilst staggering home from the pub with your carry out and mixed meat kebab, isn't interfering with children. Relax.

My superior level of intelligence made you look like as if you had a retarded spud for a brain. I have to be honest, it wasn't my proudest moment as it was stupendously easy.