Dave Umbongo

Chest (of drawers) infection.

Caviar toasties at the golf club.

I've heard of reports that the capacitive screens on iPhones are temperamental when they're operated with hands that are plastered in another mans jizz

For that very reason, I am using plastic cutlery to eat food as a temporary measure. I find this works if I cook my Findus Crispy Pancakes for 70-80% of the recommended time otherwise the fucking knife breaks before it's made a dent on the surface.

Blitish!

Is it any good on viruses?

I'm working from home today and therefore looking for motivation on here. Help.

You're / Your. Oh the irony of it. Do your homework Walter if you want to portray the posh boy education.

Clearly the guys a fucking moron and missing the point about requesting people not to travel for exercise. The NHS have enough to deal with patients gasping to breathe so the last fucking thing they want is a bunch of stupid cunts arriving because they've had a car accident. Statistically speaking you were more likely to visit hospital because of a car accident rather than catching coronavirus. Well, up until last week anyhow.

Can you please try and be more specific with your comments. Thanks.

Queue Gardens!

Pen??

I see they're installing Coronavirus testing cabins at Chessington World of Adventures!!! Yes, I thought it was a joke too when I read it. Anyhow, can anybody come up with a more inappropriately named place for a Coronavirus testing station?

You have a rather vintage view of what farmers are like. Have you not been out much lately? Ha Ha Ha.

I would hope race would be similarly apportioned in the job seekers just as it is in the working people of the UK unless you want to start making this an issue about race. In which case, your opinion turns out to be the racist one for suggesting people of colour are 'loafers'. Care to try again to form a differing opinion better than a Corbynite.

Fuck the British farmers. I'm buying imported bananas from now on.

So you're saying that people claiming job seekers allowance are predominantly coloured? You're definitely Irish, aren't you.

If they don't have a job and they're claiming job seekers allowance they should be made to. It would be a bit like buying a load of candles to light your house when you have your electric lighting permanently switched on but you've painted all the light bulbs back. See the ridiculous fucking mess that has been created by feckless lazy wankers, that behaviour is being encouraged by cunt farmers morals.

They spout on about buying British rather than imports yet they will do the same when it comes to sourcing labour. Simple enough for you.

Fuck they're a bunch of two faced cunts. The press reports today that up to a third of the UK harvest could go to waste unless they get about 60k to 70k migrant workers from Eastern Europe to help with the harvest, but what about your Buy British, Red Tractor, Support Local Business mantra you fucking cunts. We have approx. 1.24 million on unemployment benefit in the UK, that is they are actively seeking work, what the fuck is wrong with using British workforce when UKGov are already paying them to sit on their arse using my hard earned taxes. Sort it out you bunch of hypocritical cunts. And besides, we don't want any more doses of Wong Flu flow over from Eastern Europe just for the sake of a few sacks of spuds.

And now we learn that men have a 70% greater chance of dying from Wong-flu than women. #WASPI #MeToo. #whitemaleprivelegedeath. Fuck. Where are those gender reassignment forms.

It is a pity he didn't "Think Again" before emptying his balls into Mrs Balls clam bucket.

What about Johnny Ball. His Think of a Number inspired me not to be a worthless piece of shit dole scum, or work in local government like other feckless wankers.

Dyslexic fucking cunt with a shit haircut.

Yes, and she's wheelie good at it.