Dave Umbongo

Sky Sports have enabled mug punters to pause their subscription charges since March. Word is they are going to be charging again from 19th June as they will be broadcasting 'live sports' again. Fucking spastic punters paying to watch darts, bowls or other such shit, so called sports, even angling is a sport. Good luck thick cunts.

Are you taking the iss?

Unfortunately Covid is quite indiscriminate in how it culls the population therefore it is vitally important that other activities exist where the thick cunts can still wipe themselves out without fear of their genes contaminating the rest of society. Following on from this the next shops that should open are knife shops so that all these so called gangs that have been squaring up on 'tinternet can indulge in a stabbing spree before the rest of us emerge from our partial-lockdown slumber - Knife shop profits are up, population of hard men (but only in a gang) are reduced - win, win!

according to the government slogan 'life savers' are the fat, lazy feckless cunts who are staying at home. Remember, 'Stay at Home - SAVE LIVES - Protect the NHS. Using this as a benchmark then all the NHS workers who are out and about are anything but lifesavers - it might explain why there have been so many Covid deaths in the NHS.

Good plan but what would you recommend to control timing, you know, to avoid a cum face as they're discussing last years accident statistics and how many employees have suffered life changing injuries. A picture of a ginger axe wound might do the trick.

Fuck I'm fucking a bit bored of this working from home shit now. Contacting my virtual colleagues for a bit of banter leads to conversations about work and them asking, "how are you managing?". Eric, can you lend us a weapon and some ammo?? They're not traceable are they?

Not forgetting the Vagisil up your clam bucket.

Does scat have a best before date. If it does I would think it would be anything pre-digestion.

I'm surprised the host hasn't found anything that he could repurpose into a wooden crutch and a stuffed parrot to go with that patch he occasionally wears. What an OooH-Ar,sehole!

In a place where the alternative is fiddling with geese I guess this isn't a bad effort for children's' entertainment from our Froggy neighbours. Vivre Le bunch of unwashed cunts.

Bobby looks remarkably like Robbie, Robbie Rotten from LazyTown. (You'll have to Google yourself as this site keeps telling me I can upload 0mb of files. - Pile of shit)

This place is getting more like MumsNet every day. Why on earth has this plastic poof not been nommed already. He's obviously been affected by the lack of publicity he's been getting during lockdown do he's having a bit of a mincing hissy fit about Faecesbook trolls telling the useless cunt to do civilisation a favour and kill himself. My advice would be, if you want to avoid negative comments don't become famous and certainly not as a result of looking like an explosion in an ugly factory in some shitty two bit TV show that shouldn't have even been commissioned let alone broadcast. Cunt!

What the fuck does he need to furlough his gardener for?? If anything this Wong-Flu lockdown has made me realise I actually need a fucking gardener now that I've got time to explore all the areas where I don't normally venture.

I had the ebony and ivory one. No, hang on it was the crappy white plastic one.

Some people moan about not having a holiday this year and 40k others have fucked off to heaven, garden of eden, paradise, new jeruselum, hell or purgatory never to return. These chavvy cunts need to get some fucking perspective rather than selfishly worrying about how they wont be able to gorge themselves on jugs of Corona and the salmonella laden, all you can eat buffet at their Solana type resort.

Remember the Stylophone. Rolf Harris couldn't believe his luck when they told him that every child under the age of 12 would be playing with his organ on Christmas day in 1979.

I preffered him in 10 Rillington Place but I have to admit a certain sympathy for Dick having to share his mums tits with his self entitled animal porn presenter brother.

So the 'Teaching' unions have thrown their toys out of the pram about the governments plan to open some schools before 1st June, and top of the list of these complainants is Liverpool. No surprise there then, no wonder the place is full of thick scouse twats. It's just any fucking excuse not to get an education and any fucking excuse for the minor population of Liverpool that have got jobs, albeit as teachers, not to fucking go to work.

Or he appears on a list of names with Yewtree written at the top. Then again, if that happens he'll probably get offered a contract by the BBC, they're fond of that sort.

Not Richard then. There would then be enough dicks to make a nuclear family.

Checkout her middle name, which coincidentally is the last thing my dick would do if presented with the sight of this non-binary looking doughnut muncher.

She's a bit too facially challenged for my liking but I have to honest and say that's the least of my concerns.

The Black Banner. (Its named after a flag, after all)

I've got a feeling that this nom has been taken over by a couple of ghost writers for Bob Monkhouses' big book of jokes, but unfortunately they didn't get published, they were so shit.

This is very old footage because it looks a bit sepia, you know, too much yellow.