Dave Umbongo

Welcome back Dickless, have you been in a coma or something?, if yes, give me the name of your Doctor so I can bribe the cunt next time.

Who knew Emus couldn't fly?, apparently Rod didn't.

I see George Gilbey, who the fuck is that? I hear you ask, to be fair I did too. Well not only has this 'star' plummeted from the slippery ladder of stardom - if indeed he was ever on it - he's also plummeted from another ladder which has led to his demise. This one's a double cunt really because there's going to be a lot of dirty windows in Shoebury for the next few weeks.

Don't you mean rear?

Who the fuck is Kim Titchmarsh?

Being his tailor would be a bit of an 'odd-job'. (See what I did there, Bond fans?) Fuck off.

Yes, from a suspicious looking tampon, one with significantly bigger 'wings' than usual. Weird ain't it?

Are we talking about Moussaka or Ming?

All I remember is, the only time I tested positive for COVID was a day after I had been out without shaving and wearing the post ridiculous creme coloured skinny jeans. I admit I looked a right ugly cunt and frankly, not dissimilar to someone else who posts on here.

"Awooga!!!"said is pointy-elbowed brother

Football is shit anyhow but this little storm in a teacup just highlights how much shitter it can get. The cross on the collar of the players shirts has been redesigned by some wokey, gay, design executives. Even though football is for those that practice arse-banditry we cannot have Chinas cheapest sweatshops knocking out crap like this for us (even though the RRP is £124.99!!!) before we know where we are the England football kit will be another North Face or Bud Lite disaster.

I can actually imagine you being well balanced and extremely successful, It's the adult bit I'm really struggling with.

I would like to see his head 'mounted' by David Cameron a'la university pig challenge. On 2nd thoughts, just hearing it had been done rather than actually seeing it would suffice.

Fuck all this crap about people dying, was the concert any good?

'if you bleed, we can kill you' Just saying.

I thought they actually transitioned to Eunuch.

Scrotes, I fixed my energy with EDF, in September 2021 - 3.9p /kWh for gas and 19.5p /kWh for electric. Every time I use it I get a nice comforting feeling knowing that I'm paying less than the frogs that own it. What do you think of that?

Fucking useless, fucking misguided, fucking shit-wank cunt of a fucking nobody. This student A deserves to be fucking incinerated for trying to get shit like this recognised for fuck knows what. https://news.sky.com/story/teacher-sacked-for-refusing-to-use-transgender-students-chosen-pronouns-13098225?dicbo=v2-lSpcxGW

I expected you to get it right as you were probably listening to it on the family gramophone. However, it was 30+ years before I was born, so cut me some slack.

Calling @Witheredscrote to the main board. There's a fight brewing and you need to turn up and put a bit more fucking effort in that your lot did in 1939.

And being the older, less gay brother of Tony.

I want to know how come this creepy cunt hasn't ever been whacked by a branch from the Yew Tree?

Top or bottom? Or do you mean you're a blend of black and white, AKA turd brown.

Give me your wife's mobile phone number then and I'll try and fix her.

Can you imagine on set, Damien: "Action!....Come on mum, I said action, put some effort in and get your minge around his shaft" Liz: "alright son, you know I'm nearly 60 and it's drier than a Cream Cracker in the desert" Damien: ??!!!?....Cut. Damien rushes off set to furiously knock one out.