ratcum

You're absolutely right Authoritah. I was planning on flying to Spain with a another flying bore mate but the cunt knows nothing of my plantain double life. "What's the fuckin point Ratty?" I asked myself.

You can't see anything inside a cloud and even with the most basic fixed wing aircraft a closing speed of 240 knots means no time to react to oncoming aircraft. They don't have radar or proximity warning devices in these aircraft. No clouds means just that. I've taken off from one place and been unable to return 40 minutes later, due to cloud. A cunt when there's no satnav.

I don't know his history. He might have been in the Air Training Corps or just got his licence courtesy of wealthy parents. There's also no lower age limit for learning to fly. Hobby pilots can get there hours up by navigating long distances or helping out at parachute schools and glider clubs. Again, weather is the fucker upper.

I fly and unless you have instrument and night flying quals you couldn't build up these hours in Britain. Why? The weather is cuntagonal for what is called VFR flying, which basically means you have to be able to see for a fuck of a long way. You can't fly in clouds because any cunt could be in there with you.

Ah yes, dry cleaners in Scotland. Where cunts asked to be dry cleaned themselves rather than their clothes. It's a solvents abusers paradise and with 2 for 1 offers to boot

In Germany, Pippy Long Stockings was called Pippy Lange Strümpfe.

That's an ultrasound of me in the womb. My Aunty Vi was worried that she was the mother, so she tried to abort me. Fucking class bird you know.

The sooner the Jocks get independence, the sooner they'll start paying their own dole and drug rehab bills. There are also no bananas there at all.

I remember when you could step off a moving bus after having had nothing to eat all day.

I stable a team of spirited lesbians that I race at weekends. Does that count?

It means nothing to me

A girl in my class in school found an injured thrush and nursed it back to a state of semi-incapacitated walking. "How's your thrush today Alison?" we used to never tire of enquiring. If I hadn't been so hard up, I might have bought her a yoghurt to extend the joke further

Good old Bubbly; the site's voice of reason and moderation strikes again.

How do you play Harry Belafonte? It sounds disgusting Authoritah. As for holding Virgil from Thunderbirds, I don't think Gerry Anderson bothered giving him a pecker

...or David Hanging in a Fuckin Closet To Get Horn

From now on I'm going to refer to dead celebrities in a way that reflects the manner of their passing. Marc Tree Bender for instance.

A bowel of Coco Pops would be just as effective

STD, you remind me of one of those fuckin big things you sometimes see.

silly tit

we have no bananas today

Heard about the Irish puff who wanted to try one-upmanship?

Fair enough. At least you're not encouraging kids to play 'Bananas in Pyjamas'. What an utterly fucked up idea that was. Or Slug Boy, the quadruple amputee with persistent MRSA.

say hello to him for me will you?

just heating something won't alter the ratio of any element's isotopes Apeness. You could try it with chlorine and get back to us I suppose.

You're so right Apely, who wouldn't jump at the chance to see Grant and the lads! I reckon any aliens who land and call up UBER will really rock out to their catchy tunes.