ratcum

tried to put a photo in here CK but apparently I'm up to my limit. Still, it was as witty as it was apposite

gosh that's a tough one Scrotto. In the land of the Irish, the one eyed potato is king

good old Jiggly; like raisin d'être only without the French bit

ooh er missus

you being nice MC, is like me have a bout of 'the normals'; it's fuckin weird and no one likes it. My nan's corpse is going in the Thames

I remember Olivier's "Dog Fart" at the Old Vic, as nuanced as it was fragrant. Still, you had respect in them days. You could be raped by a Tory MP and still see three bob farthing change from a tanner

Imagine if the guards had had these camera phone things in concentration camps Apley? "Here's a selfie of me with a load of gypsies Dad. I'm the one that's standing up"

Have you been in prison Authoritah? Or did they give you one of those funny little tags?

a rum and uncanny day indeed Stub. I'd call on Bix Barton to investigate

You've got class Snowball, so low it causes subduction of continental plates, but class nevertheless. Get yourself down to Blackfriars and yawn in the river

again it's so bloody clean now it's like a haven for bastard wildlife. Kingfishers, dippers, maybe even the chance of some beaver action. I remember a time when the Manchester Shit Canal could quite literally change colour one day to the next. Now it's wine bars and otters.

a friend on Faecesbook posted a clip of a bastard dolphin in the river. It sent me over the edge

Time was when you could fall in the Thames and were almost guaranteed to get the plague or typhoid. Fast forward to the late 19th Century and a dip at Putney Bridge would see your skin dissolve before your very eyes. Unwanted children could be dipped like lollies in a volcano and the little bastards never burdened you again Bombs and doodlebugs turn hundreds of swimming cockney scum into jellied eels in the 1940s A hardcore river to really show foreigners what Britain could create; a slurry of liquid ghoul to be proud of.

I knew I could rely on you Kerplunk

I've always admired you Beastly and I need a favour. Next time you illegally dispose of your old sump oil, take a trip to Kingston Upon Thames. I haven't got time to explain right now, other than to say the river is about to come out as homo

How the fuck did you get a photo of Joan Collins' labia? Anyway, next time you're on the rags I want you to throw them into the nearest tributary of the River Thames

Never mind all that Cockle, if a family member dies, chuck them in the Thames (as far inland as possible) and save money on funeral costs

next time one of your boils bursts Punko please collect the discharge throw it in the River Thames before it's too late

You need to shit in the River Thames as soon as possible Stubbed

imagine if you walked into a bar and instead of a Bucks Fizz the bar woman thought you asked for a fuck'n piss? What's more, the little cutey actually served it to you!!! Chitto larks

spoiler

Fuck that's good. Let's get a room!

Baws will lead you to the dark side, where 'K' and 'Z' are strewn around as if they were proper letters. I'd no more trust his arse than a left handed dog with a lisp

Remember we mustn't tell Roadkill the result of the Mexican Grand Prix, otherwise he'll work out Hamilton's World Champion

There's only three types of person in this world CB 1. Those who think they understand his cat idea and tell everyone to make themselves look clever 2. Those that wish they understand the cat idea 3. Those who know he had allergies