Frank

You really are a creepy little fuck, ape. I could never like you. God only knows how you live with yourself.

I’m the only genuine article on here. You can trust me, J. 😉

Proper see your DM and kindly confirm I have the right location info for this charlatan.

I’m sitting up in bed watching Gladys singing ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’ live at Aretha’s Celebration of Life, and you’re sending me subliminal messages via YouTube. Fucking cunt. I don’t know about Sunday Girl, but it’s a shit song and you’re a shitcunt.

Strategically speaking, you’re out of your depth. You have no clue. Stand aside.

I’m dealing with this, Luke, you stupendous olly-like dull fucking cunt.

I learned the hard way. I know you’ve mentioned this cunt lady before and it’s quite evident you’re a little upset. Allow me a few moments to concoct a simple remedy.

Roger I’ve been on the end of this sort of shit in the workplace. You have my sympathies. How long have you been there?

Next to no input whatsoever, yet I still remain probably the most popular punter ever. What’s the attraction, baws?

Idiot.

The last bus I took was the 142 from Burnt Oak Broadway to Brent Cross circa 1984. I had a Saturday afternoon job at Lilley & Skinner and now my shoes are made at Lobbs. I made it happen, Judge. Where did you go wrong? Life is wonderful in the Dolomites.

You have no right to be here. Tomorrow morning I’ll be back.

I’ve polished off a whole carafe, Alf. What do you want?

I’ll be fifty next year, bubs. I don’t want to come across all Gyppo, but I’m struggling a little. I was at Boisdale the other week.. cigar and whiskey tasting evening on the terrace in Pimlico. Some disgusting Indian whore was chatting me up and I asked how old she thought I was. ‘Mid fifties’ she said confidently.

I was addressing bubble. Why do you always stick your wordy fucking nose in? Eat shit.

Carafe.

Bubs I went to Luxembourg to buy a car. It broke down en route to Calais and I’ve found myself at the Chateau de Grandvoir in Belgium. I’ve ordered myself a carafe of house white and I think I’m ok. Okay?

Reported. Mrs R?

Pile of shit.

I haven’t looked at his post-to-like ratio, but I’d imagine it’s on par with ‘eavens and slightly below Fender’s. You’ve never really rocked my boat, baws, but it must be said that Wizardsleeve is probably the thickest member the board has ever seen.

If little old Pen has you running around in circles and foaming at the mouth, what chances do you have against big hitters like me? I’ll tell you.. fucking no chance. Never have and never will.

You’re so excitable all the time.. like a nervous lost child that nobody wants to take in. Take a breath and look at the shit you’re coming out with. Christ!

Fuck off.

I know you won’t take this to heart, wiz, but I think there might be something amiss upstairs in that thick fucking head of yours.