Frank

The man’s a charlatan, pen. The wordy wanker’s done an Alf and booked himself an all-inclusive family staycation. What a cunt.

On the evening of the 10th you notified the board that you were off on holiday to Greece. Assuming you got away without delay, at best you would’ve checked-in around lunchtime the following day. Tour operators don’t offer 6 day all-inclusive holidays. What the fuck is going on?

I introduced Ming to the Aga a couple of years ago. You can imagine she’s used to cooking all sorts of shit.. and high heat on demand is essential. She went to her grave not knowing what wonderful things they are.

This is totally out of hand. Reported.

You wouldn’t believe it ED, but I was once top dog on here. Punters would hang onto my every word (see Decimus’ act for the past 4 years) and I just happen to be handy with a camera. A short video of me doing press-ups in my kitchen ended up with bawsey hanging loose outside the school gates at Marlborough.

I’ll never forget the man creepily honing in on a pic of my daughter on the fridge, but that really is a fucking disgusting comment. Reported. 

Wiz, don’t ever change. Your fickle thin-skinned ways and lack of confidence will always hold you dear to my heart.

Idiot.

...and there’s little Ed making his debut at 0.51

I don't think I’ve ever seen it so bad, bubs. Having to stoop so low and engage with you.. the original poor man’s Frank, makes me feel sick.

Ed this ship is sinking. Have you got a plan?

I can imagine how disgusting your pasty pen-pushing skinnyfat body looks in a pair of orlebar’s. A candid shot of Mrs D’s ample bosom on the beach would go down a treat.

I’ve been lucky Decs. By doing very little.. buying and selling old tat and houses, I’ve somehow become comfortably numb. Life is great in W1. Vive!

B I’m doing the rounds in Marylebone covering the independent menswear shops for my autumn/winter collection. I stumbled across a restaurant called Jikoni on Blandford Street, and it’s just simply wonderful. Fascinating.

You lonely old drunken cunt. I can see you now.. staring yourself out, bathroom shadow boxing with pics of the poor mrs cuntman blue-tacked to the mirror... ‘I’ve had my fill of this place.. head ‘em up.. (jab jab).. ride ‘em in (uppercut).. don’t give a fuck.. head ‘em up (jab) cut ‘em in.. papa 1 to base.. suck my dick.... ride ‘em in... Rawhiiiiide’. Idiot.

https://youtu.be/yIw2Q5bYEgo

Sleep with one eye open, Tim.

He had to be a Tim. https://fivevalleysecology.co.uk/the-team-gloucestershire/

You’re on holiday, in Portugal. What on earth is going on in your tiny mind?

I like Alf.. I could kiss the very tip of his old dick. As thick as he is, he makes a darn good curry.

Just shut up you cunt. Alright?

Shut up wiz you fucking idiot.

A very reliable source has disclosed Stubby’s real identity. I don’t think he’ll return. See your pm.