Ape™️

After discovering we had no HP sauce left for sausage and chips tonight, I immediately thrashed off in the car to the local store to panic buy a new bottle. Unfortunately there was a Lottery Cunt at the only till, performing some massive transaction that involved handing in various tiny wins from scratch cards etc and then, at an agonisingly slow pace, choosing what new scratch card / lucky dip combination to spend the money on. I was getting more and more irritated by this cunt, as was the shop assistant and was on the verge of just chucking the HP on the counter and leaving, when finally the transaction miraculously finished. After hurriedly paying and returning to my car it was a great effort not to just mow the cunt down as it ambled along scraping it's new scratch cards. CUNT.

I play "laser dog" on our laminate floor with my Jack Russell when I've had a few beers. Basically I shine a laser pointer on the floor and track it down the room, with the dog charging after it. Eventually she realises she is about to hit the radiator and does a broadside slide trying to avoid crashing. It's very childish but it's also fucking hilarious!

Don't waste your time worrying about what this self opinionated prick has to say about, well, anything Grumps. From his ivory tower of perfection he looks down on us all in JUDGEment, looking for any little grammatical error in our humble little posts. However, the cunt still doesn't know that he should use "I" and not "i" when referring to himself in posts. Total wanker.

This comes as no surprise to me Keith, as I've always had you down as a fat pie-eating cunt.

What's with all this "your tweet" bollocks you keep coming out with, you stupid cunt?

Yeah the RR is a fucking animal. I used to think my 1999 R1 was quick but this thing has warp drive!

Ever been told that it's "I" and not "i"?

This fucking 60's throwback is a devious little cunt who has managed to buy his way out of a bribery charge with what can only be described as another bribe. The sooner the little prick croaks and relinquishes his hold over F1 the better.

It always amuses me to see these X3 / X5 Q5 / Q7 type things fucking tanking down the outside lane of the motorway, usually without a trace of dirt on them. What is the point of these hideous looking things? No good off road and about as aerodynamic as a garage door. Someone in the design office has struck gold though, as there seems to be a huge number of brain dead cunts, with a lot more money than sense, queuing up to buy these monstrosities.

We're all lucky you don't run the country....

What kind of fucking idiot chooses to have this message on the back of their car? Why do we need to be cautious? Are they likely to open fire on tailgaters with automatic weapons? Surely the most cuntish car sticker ever......

Usually extremely slow, and invariably fucking strange.

I was on a 20 mile blast on my road bike tonight and got a cramp in my left calf at the 18 mile point. Fucking agony for about 5 minutes and it's tender as fuck now. Cramp is most definitely a CUNT.

Everything I do, I do it for you. Really Bryan? Ok, well if you really want to do something for me, jump into a Trent 800 (or a GE90) at takeoff thrust, you cunt.

Why the fuck anyone would want to "ride" something more like a two wheeled car than a motorcycle is beyond me. I fucking hate the stupid things.

Gap toothed Canadian cunt of the highest order.

My Jack Russell really, really likes cats......

Please accept my humble apologies. Speaking of Frank, I wonder how he will adapt to the new environment?

Ok, I'm raising the stakes, you fucking stupid fucking cunt!

Shame really as that was half the fun of the Corner. I know occasionally things went a bit far but generally I think it was within what you'd expect when on a site called "Cunts Corner".

Fuck me this is going to take some getting used to........