Dr Umbopa Mugabe from Kwazulubongo is a talented surgeon and a good friend of mine. A classy stroke player with more than useful left arm spin that has helped our side out on more than one occasion. He does, however, have some serious family problems. His 2 sons, Jamahl Umbongo and Winston Bongobongoland, have gone off the rails. Last I heard they'd moved to Cheshire where they're involved with human trafficking and male prostitution using some poor wretch they call "punkape" to perform unspeakable acts of sexual depravity on clients for a pittance. I know this because one day, he says, they bought this poor fellow to see him and have his gapping arsehole stitched up as customers were complaining of extreme slackness here, not to mention the blood and shit and congealed spunk leakage