Cuntybaws

Way to sneak in an extra "r".

This made me wonder what sort of dickless cunt would ever actually shag Serena. Armenian-American internet entrepreneur Alexis Ohanian, that's what sort of dickless cunt.

Alternative suggestion. Get yourself a mains-powered radio and take it into the fucking bath after you get home.

Bad enough, but what's worse is that he will at no point tell you anything about the fucking song that's actually playing. Surely the whole point of having DJ's is that you don't have to Shazam the fucking song yourself?

Get yourself a fucking iPod.

It does sound almost rat-like.

Given that the NSA can supposedly count the spots on a ladybird from orbit at night, and that the Pentagon controls roughly a billion drones and a metric fuckton of ordnance, how is that any Jihadist training camps still exist? Not all Muslims are terrorists, granted, but on a Venn diagram of good Muslims and dead Muslims you'd only need to draw one circle.

You'd have said it was impossible to do worse than that lentil-guzzling septic talent vacuum he married first time around, but you'd have been wrong. On that sort of downward trajectory, maybe there's hope for Susan Boyle yet.

Only if you suck my baws, Dick.

He also wrote Mull of Kintyre. "Flid" is too kind a word.

If I was to venture an opinion, I'd say that no-one is listening to a single fucking word you say. What a bunch of cunts!

Yes, I was there last year, by coincidence. It was like the Birmingham of the South. (Only better, because it didn't have Lenny Henry.)

I have seen Birmingham described, without a trace of irony, as "The Venice of the North".

Oh, I think the bar can be set a little bit lower - ay, chihuahua!

Bukkake night on the kidney ward...

I suppose dribbling down your mother's leg four months prematurely doesn't count?

She had such complete and utter loathing of fat cunts that I used to wonder if she was once a bit of a chubster herself. She had no time for misogynists either - she must really have fucking hated Bernard Manning!

"non-you"? Oh Spunky, U fucking pleb! Nancy Mitford was a cunt.

I wouldn't have thought it possible to insult the musical contribution of the French nation any more than it deserved, but you've managed it. Bertrand's a Belgian.

She looks like a Cabbage Patch doll that's been left too close to a radiator.

Nobody gives a XXXX.

Spit? No, Mrs Baws, I expect you to swallow.

I'm fairly sure we've covered the Socratic paradox today already.