Cuntybaws
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Everything posted by Cuntybaws
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I actually wish I'd had the nous to take a quick dump on Mrs Baws' tablet, at the risk of my own life, photograph it, and then upload the result.
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In light of recent disagreements I'm surprised you haven't revisited this worthy subject of yesteryear. -
But enough about my sex life. Slates are so yesterday. There are pretentious cunts out there now serving food on shovels, dustbin lids, even out of fucking shoes! Perhaps the most extreme example of this fuckwittery is the use of an iPad which is showing a picture of a plate. Fucking cunts.
- 86 replies
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- trying to be cool
- trying to be posh
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It's as if someone has constructed an artificial intelligence on a ZX Spectrum, constrained by its rudimentary graphics capabilities and 16k of RAM, fed it the Ladybird Book of Punctuation, and cruelly let it loose to fend for itself on the internet. I doubt Ding would pass the Turing test.
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Pretty sure those aren't Aston Martins.
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Indeed. When it comes to Astons you can have any colour you like as long as it's pink.
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Christopher Robin went down on Alice.
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I finally understand why Kurt Cobain blew his fucking brains out.
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Bill won't get that one, he's too young.
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Comparing apples with apples, Jeremy Forrest - the teacher who ran off to France with a 15-year old pupil whose name we're apparently not allowed to mention - was sentenced to a mere five and a half years. I hope Johnson's blow jobs were top fucking drawer, because it's anal for him for the next few years.
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McManus was a heel. Apparently that's what they called cunts in the olden days.
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By the look of them they were designed to go with her lipstick, which appears to have been applied after two bottles of vodka by Michael J Fox while wearing boxing gloves. In the dark.
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The irony is that "Gypsy boy" is by far the nicest and most polite thing anyone has ever called the Welsh cunt.
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That's probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said about Lincolnshire, a county which somehow manages to slide under the cunting radar out of sheer apathy.
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Chris Benoit, aka "The Rabid Wolverine", a nickname which turned out to be eerily prophetic. He was a short arse to boot, and a Canadian, so he was fucked over by both nature and nurture in equal measure.
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This plug-ugly nonagenarian “style guru” and supposed fashionista is currently appearing in a series of adverts for Citroën. If she thinks those fucking bins constitute style she's having a laugh, although I suppose it doesn't take much to pull the wool over the eyes of a French advertising agency. On the plus side, at least she'll be dead soon.
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I had to Google Carlsberg Green, the concept was so alien to me. I wish now I hadn't, but you can't put the genie back in the bottle. "It is served in a stylish proprietary bottle that upholds its super premium image. At the heart of this is a redefinition of its brand proposition that took place in April 2011, which celebrates Carlsberg's heritage and values, while connecting with today's active, adventurous generation of beer drinkers."
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- fat ankled pigs
- lazy fucking cunts
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What, you mean It's going to take a few days for it to work its way back out from her duodenum? Honestly, the lengths you Yorkshire folk will go to just to avoid a bit of excise duty...
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There appear to be spurious apostrophes all over the show, too.
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- fat ankled pigs
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People don't take you seriously if you shout. A threat like "I'm going to fuck you over and eat your baby" is much more effective when whispered. Less chance of witnesses, too.
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As you approach them you mustn't be afraid to mutter something like, "Get the fucking fuck out of my fucking way, you fucking cunts, or you'll be wearing each other's fucking kidneys as fucking earrings." Even if they don't catch every single word - an occupational hazard for a Scotsman abroad - they'll get the general gist if they know what's good for them.
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I wouldn't waste a single fucking femtosecond of my hard-earned spare time on car-washing, or gardening, or any tedious or repetitive chore where I can basically pay some sub-minimum wage cunt to do it for me. It's not necessarily as if I have anything better to do myself (just before Judge jumps in to point out the existential sadness of our lives) or that I lack the requisite aptitude, I'm basically just a lazy bastard. Trickle down economics is a cunt.
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And by "evangelism" I think he meant "even jism".
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Mmmmmf mmm mmmmf mmmmmmmmmm mmmmf.
