Cuntybaws

Oy vey!

As is traditional at such times, here is a picture of Keith Chegwin's tiny todger. Be careful what you wish for.

I might pop into HR this morning and tell them that I now identify as a labradoodle and demand to be allowed to shag visitors' legs and shit wherever I like. As a pedigree cross, I imagine I'll be due a pay rise and an additional biscuit allowance. There should also be some serious compo for the indignity of being referred to as a “human” resource. Stop oppressing me, you human cunts!

Oh, there's more than fucking one. Don't forget her next door neighbour, the Jabba-esque Anne McLaughlin, who claims her Rastafarian boyfriend is being denied his human right to smoke cannabis. In her maiden speech to Parliament she said, 'My partner is an English-Scottish-Jamaican socialist who led "Africans for an Independent Scotland".' You really seriously couldn't make these cunts up.

You dancing?

Thoir dhomh an-asgaidh rudan.

Fucking hell, the boy Lachlan's an ugly little cunt isn't he. It's as if someone had sculpted Alfred E Neuman out of earwax and then left him too close to a radiator. What's that you say, Skip? They'd have kicked them out fast enough if they'd been fucking Abos?

If it's an absolute dead heat and they have to hold another one, every fucking cunt is going to blame you.

You'll just feel a little prick...

Aha, they're not all poofs! Ex-Albion Rovers footballer James Coulter was today jailed for six years for raping three women. I especially like the part where "A jury heard how the 33 year-old assaulted one victim with his Player of the Year trophy hours after winning it." Just as well he hadn't scored a hat trick that day and brought the match ball home too.

Aw fuck, no, Carla Lane's dead.

Sadly, dead Scousers fall into the same comedy category as thalidomide children.

I might order myself one of these for when my vintage "Adolf Hitler European Tour" t-shirt is in the wash.

As suspected, the faggot Irish don't even make the top ten. Fucking lightweights.

Just let me know if he starts flaunting his genitives.

Too passive a solution. Put a price on their heads, like wolves, and hunt them for their rancid ginger hides across the northern wilderness. They won't be hard to catch!

A point of clarification re your username, if I may. Is "Harry" a proper noun, or is it used in this context as a verb?

There's something fundamentally wrong with this gormless cunt. Too many chromosomes, too few chromosomes, something fundamentally human missing. You wouldn't be surprised to learn he had been caught with his cock in a pile of half-eaten babies.

Third, actually. Don't forget the Yacht duology.

Hiya Timmy, hiya pal!

She had to be made to understand that stupidity has consequences. A picture of her front door from Google Streetview and a list of the email addresses of the other members of her carers' forum underlined that quite nicely. In a way, it was a mercy.

Famines notwithstanding, you never see a fat cunt in Ethiopia, and that's because there are a fuckload of apex predators there that can't believe their luck when they chance upon something soft which is too big to run away or fit down a burrow. What our inner cities need is less KFCs and more fucking lions.

If only there was someone on this site with a mega-successful international business - perhaps something web-based - who wasn't afraid to break the fourth wall and reveal such details to all and sundry. The fucking mong.

Fucking hell, Punkape must have eaten an awful lot of tofu.

Take everything off and pose for me, you dirty little temptress...