Cuntybaws

You total fucking cunt, I've just spewed up my lunch. Now I'll have to eat it again.

He's nicked Frank Bruno's IQ too.

Woy wesigns. Pay attention Corbyn, you unwanted cunt.

He may have quite literally fucked his brains out. I know I would if I was porking Abbey Clancy.

Bit petty, surely? At least Scotland have the decency not to get anyone's hopes up in the first place, the useless fucking cunts. The funniest part is watching Ian Wright rub his shiny Malteser head in disbelief while his random gibberish spews forth.

Not likely. Other than the occasional jaunt down to "that London" most of my late 70s / early 80s exuberance was confined to the Glasgow Apollo. I saw SLF there a few times, once with the Vapors as a support act. Good night, that. The most violence I ever saw there was at a Jam gig, where the crowd was a heady mix of punks and mods. Some cunts who couldn't distinguish between the two were punching everyone just to be on the safe side. Happy days.

Not on asparagus night.

This is serious, you cunt, Bill Bailey has a theremin! I hope Bill Cosby's cum face haunts your dreams tonight.

If you behave nicely, I may bring you “Disappointing Franks (or Fwanks)” later to complete the trilogy.

Yes, as a timely break from the current onanistic orgy of Euro-related bollocks, it's the long-awaited sequel to “Pop Brians (or Bryans)”. From the ludicrously tonsured Bill Bailey to the increasingly shaky Billy Connolly, no good has ever come of these abbreviated Williams. Transatlantic representatives have included Bill “Rohypnol” Cosby, Billy “Fuck me in the arse” Crystal and Bill “Fags won't kill you” Hicks. Bad news on that front, Bill. Suck Satan's cock!

You definitely don't want to order room service then.

You know, I can just picture you as a crazed albino, mortifying your own flesh while your little pink eyes bulge wide with pleasure.

In order to prolong Mrs Baws' pleasure at the expense of own own selfish needs, I will occasionally let my thoughts turn to Susan Boyle and Nicola Sturgeon wrestling naked in a paddling pool full of strawberry custard. At no time, however, has Diane Abbott featured as part of these delaying tactics, because I have no desire to render myself impotent for ever.

Pickled Onion Monster Munch and a hit of black tar heroin.

I often do, Bubs, and a more caring and sensitive lover you simply couldn't wish for.

Kill yourself?

Comedians that do encores are a bunch of fucking cunts too. Most of them don't even tell any more jokes, they just read out questions the audience texted in at the interval. (Why they need an interval in the first place fuck only knows, the idle cunts just stand there for half an hour swigging fucking Perrier.) They probably think they're doing "improv", the lazy fuckers. Even fucking worse are comedians that incorporate musical instruments and songs into their act. It's not big and it's not clever, and it's certainly not fucking funny, which is sort of supposed to be the whole fucking point of being a comedian. Why no-one ever rammed Billy Connolly's banjo up his fucking arse is a mystery of our age, Bill Bailey is a cunt.

If only there was a button that directed 50,000 volts through any cunt that got on your tits. Stanley Milgram was a cunt.

I think the UK is ready for a new era of benign dictatorship. I'm just waiting for the call.

Bus wankers.

Good on you. Those Camelot cunts can stick their fucking Euromillions right up their fucking arses.

I see that today's Gay Pride March in London coincided with Armed Forces Day. What do you make of that then, Manky? The Red Arrows are cunts.

These people are cunts. It doesn't matter how they voted - they're just cunts.

Why have you nommed this at all, you stupid, thick sod.