Cuntybaws

No sense wasting good insults on the brain dead, so it's the old primary school stalwart for you. You're a pie.

Denis Thatcher was a cunt, and that new "First Husband" looks like another proper runty little weasel. It doesn't stretch the imagination much to picture him dressed as a ballerina with a ball gag in his mouth.

You know that scene in "Silence Of The Lambs" where Multiple Miggs flicks a hefty dollop of spunk in Clarice's face? By any chance did something similar ever happen to your mother as she wandered past the bonobo enclosure at Chester Zoo?

I'd fuck it, right in its pouting little mouth!

Theresa May what? I'm not voting for the cunt unless she makes her fucking mind up.

Never heard of it. Is it anything like Ecky Thump?

They're calling it "The Shock of Gibraltar". Perhaps the biggest - and of course the funniest - upset ever in supposedly-professional football. Lincoln Red Imps 1 - 0 Glasgow Celtic The "profile" below is actually a spoof, but it speaks volumes that several news outlets reported it as fact.

I'm not sure I'm on board with this, frankly. What's our safety word again?

No, Mister Stickers, I expect you to die.

Well done Ed. Anyone foolish enough to correct this to "Grindr" will have fallen right into your trap. Gotta catch 'em all.

Sounds like a Jigglypuff.

Fucking bronies, the lot of them. Some stupid Yank bitch was all traumatised because she found a dead body in a river in Wyoming while looking for a Squirtle. What a total fucking loser cunt - everybody knows you should start out with a Pidgey or a Bulbasaur rather than a water type.

Who doesn't love a rhetorical question? He's calling you a cunt here, Bill. A cunt, pure and simple.

Pop will eat itself.

I thought his birthday was the 18th of March? That fucking cunt catwoman lied to me!

Oh dear sweet Christ, please don't say he's been rear-ended again.

Don't call us, we'll call you.

Are those your slippers, Quince? Well, are they?

Of all the nine billion possible reasons to nominate The Independent, this isn't the one I'd have gone for.

A chinless fucking twat, no doubt.

I hope everyone is aware that the band, Stiff Little Fingers, are named after a Vibrators song. William S Burroughs was a cunt.

I'd love to see the faces of the brave cunts at Pamplona if, instead of bulls one year, they released several hundred ravenous and lightning-fast tigers.

Deny it all they like, what these butch types really want is a cock, and they're secretly jealous of those who have one. I can't believe no-one's ever figured this out before. I'm off now to make my fortune in the highly respected field of psychoanalysis.

The only inch.

A rapist, a masochist, a pyromaniac, a necrophiliac, a sadist, a paedophile, a zoophile and Punkape are chatting at the golf club after their round. The rapist says, "I'd like to fuck something.". The zoophile says, "A cat." The paedophile says, "Even better: a kitten." The sadist asks, "How about we beat the kitten up, and THEN have sex with it?" The necrophiliac adds, "Alright, let's beat a kitten to death, and then have sex with it." Then the pyromaniac says, "Okay, how about we beat a kitten to death, light it on fire, and then have sex with it?" Punkape says, "Meow."