Cuntybaws

PSA. The difference is important - only the Michelin Man should ever allow a hose to be inserted for a PSI test.

They might struggle with some of the fat ones.

5? Fucking lightweight. You try being a Bon Accord fan.

What if that weird looking Doctor Pixie chick off "Embarrassing Bodies" did it to you instead, though? "Both hands please, Doctor Pixie!"

Wasn't that Chopper Harris? All this nostalgia is tearing me up. Why does nothing last for ever?

Did you say indolent? You meant insolent.

Did I say Jesus? I meant Brian.

Jesus was the first to get AIDS, as a result of fucking donkeys bareback. Nail 'em up - it's the only language they understand.

Dirty Leeds!

You fucking maniac!

"Two things fill the mind with ever-increasing wonder and awe... the starry heavens above me and the moral law within me." You stupid fucking cunt.

One day, those who publicly profess their belief in any deity will be held in the same contempt as holocaust deniers and members of PIE. They will be reviled by the mighty twittersphere, and awarded no likes.

Those Viking cunts weren't exactly renowned for their monotheism, or their manners when it came to foreign totty. As for the Catholics with their holy trinity, that's just weird.Not as weird as transubstantiation, but pretty fucking weird nonetheless.

This from a Wetherspoons man? I bet you'd be the first to complain if you got a short measure on your pint. Massive portions beat the shit out of any Nouvelle Cuisine cuntfuckery. Enjoy your pea.

Fuck James Bond.

Not that I actually give a fuck either way, but Ding started it.

I'm three blocks up, at Goodrims.

I could only afford one, not a whole pair. Who do you think I am, Eddie? As for poor American ghetto fashion, why take their belts? I suppose if they all hung themselves there would be less opportunity for beat cops to use them for target practice.

Hmm, their website is currently down. And thus it begins...

Don't knock it. Hot chicks dig Pikachus.

Too fucking right. Trendy cunts like me wear Vans.

I have no plans to call on you, Clarice, the world being more interesting with you in it.

Bathroom World is just next door. I'm sure they do a value for money range of disabled toilets.

Berlin's a funny place. There are reminders of their past transgressions and defeats around every corner which must play havoc with their psyches. Markers where the wall stood, Checkpoint Charlie, Holocaust memorials and Jewish museums every 100 yards. They all seem very earnest and apologetic, especially the younger generation, and yet I can't help feeling they'd do it all over again like a shot, given half a fucking chance.