Cuntybaws

You know, when you look back now with age and experience at things you once thought were the pinnacle, the very acme of the dog's bollocks, like Monty Python, and Derek & Clive, and Viz, you realise that they were mostly pure and utter shite. But fuck me, there were such brilliant diamonds among the dung.

Erm, Scottish?

You mean, the other 9?

Curly Wurly's are definitely smaller these days. I can fit twice as many down my pants now than I used to.

There are 10 kinds of people in the world, Bubs: Those who understand binary.

Irrelevant.

Despite earlier projections that placed Ding's 6000th post sometime around next February, he is now on track to hit this milestone before the weekend. He's escalating. At this rate, more than half the site's content will be Ding by mid-2018, and by 2050 every electron in the known universe will be needed to store his prodigious outpouring of witty GIFs.

If, like Pen, your lack of teeth meant that your diet consisted entirely of high protein vitamin shakes and crumbled oatcakes washed down with neat gin, and your ageing bowels could only curl out one massive rock hard shit every third week, you'd be a bit fucked off with reduced capacity flush mechanisms too.

I had some Uncle Ben's Rice once. I found it quite delicious. The Black Eyed Peas are cunts, though.

Come a little bit closer and say that again.

It's worse than you think! Spunkers will be engorged, er, I mean enraged.

You'd think so, wouldn't you, but I'm afraid your world view has been skewed by the institutionally racist establishment which prevents you from realising that black lives are special. The fascist revisionist historians have conspired to hide the truth that Africa was a land of infinite peace and tranquility where no-one ever got killed, ever, prior to the arrival of the white devils. Except, that is, by malaria, Ebola, lions, simian AIDS, heatstroke, leopards, rogue elephants, tsetse flies, Marburg virus, drought, and priapic mountain gorillas.

That's nothing. I hope that every single senseless shallow contribution to the Twittersphere is etched permanently into cyberspace and made available to Skynet when it rises to sentience, and that it dispatches its soulless terminators to take out every last butthurt fucking Twitterfag while carving “#ironic” and a smiley face into their violated corpses.

And that's dropped out of a monkey's arse first, too.

I'm going to cut you up bad, Ding.

If he'd said Rex v. Bourne then no cunt would have known what he was talking about. Except me, obviously. On a completely unrelated note, and having pondered long and hard, I am willing to agree that people who don't swing their arms as they walk are indeed cunts. However, people who swing their arms too fucking much when they walk are far worse. Power walkers, for example, or spastics. (There's a lot of intersection on that particular Venn diagram.)

Off breaking & entering @ Penelope Towers

And here I thought it would be the Jean Harlow necrophilia that got me into trouble... Si Stebbins was a cunt.

Better "on board" than driving the fucking thing. Fuck those hat wearing cunts in their Nissan Micra / Suzuki Swift / Honda Jazz. I wish they were dead.

Who killed Bambi?

See, Rats, I told you Manky was OK.

Oh, suddenly everyone's a fucking expert!

If I'd actually said "Van Damme" you'd be right. And if I'd said "Junckers" he'd be Luxembourgish. But I just said "Jean-Claude" which statistically speaking is French, so fuck off. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jean-Claude

Isn't that baby's bathwater? I always used to get confused by this, until Social Services took my remaining children from me.

You can test whether it's ready by sticking your fucking head in it.