Cuntybaws

Dwarves make me feel queasy at the best of times, what with them being lumpy, misshapen, stunted mutations and all. People joke a lot about “dwarf porn” but I would no more consider shagging one than I would a potato. (A turnip might have been a better analogy, but we should never miss an opportunity to remind Bill of his tuber-related folly.) In fact, I think I can feel a new internet meme coming on: Dwarf or Potato?

Indeed. Buffalo Springfield formed in 1966.

I doubt if even the gynaecologist on Embarrassing Bodies has ever seen quite such an awful cunt.

Can you imagine the shock and confusion of the poor cunts that found her, wondering if the head first impact had somehow concertina'd a normal sized person? Always good for a laugh, dwarves, even in death.

Surely the schools went back already?

Actually, no, I take it all back. Out of interest, does the "mc" part of your username have any particular geographical significance?

Don't be too harsh. The evidence suggests that a temporal accident has displaced this poor cunt from a time when phlogiston was considered the apex of scientific achievement, so these new-fangled concepts like electricity, the internet, and grammar must be terrifying for them.

Look it up - you know you want to.

Wait a minute, Emily Thornberry's female? All this time I thought one of those androgynous statues from Rapa Nui had somehow come to life.

Order is restored to the universe.

What the fuck are you wittering on about? And how am I meant to take it seriously when it only has one exclamation mark?

Compulsive Masturbation Disorder is very much a thing. Sufferers may find it almost impossible to live a normal life, and must at all costs avoid the M&S lingerie department. Couple it with Parkinson's and it's almost as funny as a thalidomide with acute pruritus.

Hey, don't let slip any spoilers before Luke Googles it.

Why didn't the tight fucking cunt just buy something then? I've got chronic onanism, and that's what I have to do when the need comes upon me unexpectedly.

If only Reeva had invested in a pair too. That's the risk of making false economies.

Ain't that the fucking truth!

To give them their full name, Partick Thistle Nil.

Why not try another of the ancient and traditional Japanese arts then? Seppuku.

And there he proceeded to write "Our House", the shit-bearded vowel mangling cunt.

Enlighten us then, what passes muster on the musical front chez Dan? Not Clannad, surely?

Cunts Corner does Occam's Razor. PS Sorry Luke.

Male anorgasmia is a curse. You never hear it mentioned on Children In Need either.

I had occasion to visit Luton periodically during the late eighties. for reasons the Official Secrets Act will not let me divulge, and I can confirm that it was an execrable shit hole even then. To numb the pain I used to drink in an appropriately named pub called The Bitter End. It's long gone now, like everything else remotely English.

How was Carrow Road today? Did Delia treat you to a song?

It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again!