Cuntybaws

I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered?

Lily was in the Vindaloo video. She must be, what, 15 there? As opposed to 15 fucking stone now.

A quid for water? Fuck that, just let me burn.

Any views on chaise longues?

And the cunt is a Celtic supporter, and hence a plastic Paddy twice removed. Is Decs still banned?

I'm getting a semi.

Kill yourself.

The dayglo budgie smugglers? The fisting butter smeared liberally over his tubby belly? Hmm, I wonder...

Did you just queef?

As if the beatification of that Albanian cockroach Mother Teresa wasn't bad enough, now this dwarf geriatric tartan-trousered cunt has just been knighted. After forty years as a tax exile, he should have been beheaded rather than honoured. The first cut is the deepest.

I had a nightmare last night about poor old Decs, seething incoherently with righteous indignation at Mrs Roops but unable to log on to vent his rage at his old nemesis. If a cunt flounces in the forest when there's no one around, does it make a sound?

Bit of a cock up on the weather forecasting front.

A stair lift? In a bungalow? You fucking maniac.

If only Punkape's father had worn two condoms, to be sure, to be sure. One MikeD... there's only one MikeD... one MikeD...

I would cheerfully launch Lewis Hamilton into a supermassive black hole. Matt Bellamy is a cunt.

You have to question the judgement of someone who believes that the endorsement of the frog-faced fuckwit Farage will somehow improve his ratings. Just when you think Americans can't get any dumber...

That deserves a stake all right, plunged through your dessicated black heart.

Don't anyone say I didn't warn you.

“When I was little I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy.”

They won't see that coming! Eat your fucking heart out, Mark Zuckerberg.

"I've seen angels fall from blinding heights, But you yourself are nothing so divine. Just next in line."

I'll have you know my head is in perfect proportion with the rest of my body. John Merrick was a cunt.