I had occasion to call a well-known insurance company today (Paul Whitehouse is a cunt!) and they've obviously run a few focus groups which informed them, “Your on hold music is fucking crap!” So, they've added a new step to the interminable process that precedes getting to speak to an actual human being, where you are invited to choose what sort of musical torture you’d prefer.
For Motown, Press 1. For Classical, Press 2. For Jazz, Press 3…
I don’t know what came after 3 because at the mention of Jazz I pressed 2 in a panic. Yes, you guessed it, fucking “Für Elise”, played by someone to whom the piano was apparently a very recently learned instrument.
For the next few minutes I sat miserably, wearing the same expression as Ray Stantz when he realised that he had inadvertently chosen the form of the Destructor.