Cuntybaws

Suddenly I don't seem so bad, eh?

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

It's all just a cynical game of "find the deepest pockets". And if those pockets happen to belong to bunch of white liberal apologist twats, then so much the better. I wonder how many MOBO awards would fit up Tony Blair's arse?

Just imagine the state of her fanny!

There's the baby buggering Bishop of Bath and Wells, for one.

In Eb I hope? Johnny Dankworth was a cunt.

The Devil has all the best tunes, and, I very strongly suspect, all the best weed. I also suspect the chances of a soapy tit wank off the Playboy twins are a lot less likely above than below.

Every dog has its day.

Even if God did exist, the notion that He requires the saccharine adoration of his creatures - and becomes petulant if He doesn't get it - is totally fucking laughable. In Londo's absence, let me advise you to take your ill-formed provocations back to the school debating society.

I've been in so many different fucking time zones in the last month that I feel like Doctor fucking Who. Thank fuck for tamarind margaritas!

I'm in Acapulco. Fucking loco.

Oh Christ, yes, badly cleaned whelks and mussels and fucking scallops - made the eels look good! On the garden front, perhaps this means that when our resident Gipsy woke up drenched in piss, it wasn't always her own? I'm not sure that's actually of much comfort to her.

Fucking hell, have I just stumbled into a wormhole that leads to 2008? There'll be a nomination about trains along any minute.

Would that be a micro cock?

There was (and probably still is) a cracking pie & mash shop on the Leytonstone High Road. We used to line our stomachs there before a skinful at The Bell prior to heading down to watch Leyton Orient get the fuck knocked out of them by whoever they were playing that week. On a semi-related note, I have never had a better burger anywhere than at Brisbane Road.

The video return slot at Blockbusters for me. I found it more accommodating for the larger gentleman.

Re point 2, may I refer you to the Royal London adverts? I'd sooner invest in fucking tulips than give any of my money to these cunts!

You go, girlfriend!

I genuinely believed that no-one would ever get their shameless tongue further up a royal arsehole than that horse-faced cunt Jenny Bond, but I was wrong. The icing on the cake for Witchell is that he's ginger; or, at least, he was. Perhaps he's Harry's father?

“May I say that I have not thoroughly enjoyed serving with Humans? I find their illogic and foolish emotions a constant irritant.”

​Don't let the turnstiles hit you on the arse on the way out.

​The cunt's only gone and pulled a fucking sickie! There must be a Hillsborough anniversary coming up sometime in the next 11 months. Call me a vindictive, scouse-hating bastard if you must, but I've reported the cunt to HR. (They'll no doubt send him a very stern memo, and offer him a course of counseling. Was there ever a more oxymoronic job title than "HR Professional"?)

​Oh fuck, that made oi larf orl roight! I know a certain scouse cunt at work who's for a bad day tomorrow.

​With great power comes great responsibility...

​He looks better in this one.