Cuntybaws

​"If you can't beat 'em, join 'em?" Or is this somehow post-ironic?

​It wasn't the first "shower" joke that popped into my head either.

​You'd make a piss-poor stalker - you missed a golden opportunity to speculate on his handicap!

​I once had a golden shower with your mum! Small world.

​Just exactly what the fuck is in Tizer anyway? You'd be better off letting your kids mainline heroin!

​Not sure whether you mean Derek Acorah or Ronni Ancona, but I suppose it makes sense either way. I fucking hate scousers!

​Do you remember the scene from Trainspotting where the Yank wanders into a Leith pub and asks to use the toilet? Makes you proud to be Scottish!

Worse than a vegetarian lesbian on Steak And A Blowjob day!

Lux Interior was a cunt.

​I don't know - he sounds more like a Babycham sort of chap to me...

"If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts." - Albert Einstein

​As trigger events go, it's not quite Dexter Morgan, is it?

Purpose of visit? : Sedition, armed insurrection, and the occasional beheading. Come right in Sir, just as long as you're not carrying seeds, and all your explosives are in a clear plastic bag...

​And here she is. The daft cunt was trawling through YouTube when she spotted a video entitled "The World's Ugliest Woman". She didn't realise it was her until she started to watch it - which serves her right, really.

My current favourite t- shirt bears the legend: I hate morning people. And mornings. And people.

Surprisingly close. It's a South Park episode - the one with Honey Boo Boo and James Cameron - which asserts that fat people need to be ashamed of their fatness, not proud of it, and that society needs to wake up and treat them as pariahs, much like smokers.

Salt 'n' Shake - fucking class. There is a report on the BBC News website at present about Lizzie Velasquez, "The Ugliest Woman In The World" which I commend to the Corner. When I get back to a fucking civilised country with proper wifi and a real computer I may upload some more details, but I urge you to have a look and see for yourselves the harm that words can do. She IS very fucking ugly, it has to be said, but that's hardly her fault. There is no excuse for fat bastards, though, and there never will be. We need to raise the bar.

I'D fuck him, CG, but it wouldn't be quite the sort of fucking he's accustomed to! Pervert that he is, I doubt even Fred has experienced the sexual frisson that accompanies a skilfully wielded nail gun.

I think I've finally found a ginger I like! Er, you're not a fat cunt are you? A man's got to draw the line somewhere.

Fucking superb! I missed this last night - must have been pissed or something...

It's Red Nose Day in my house every month. I wish Mrs Baws would hurry up and hit the menopause!

He was probably a nice enough bloke, but he looked like a fucking child molester. I'm sure Gary Glitter had a hat just like that. Oh, and his books were total fucking gash. I've known a few people who liked them and they were complete cunts.

​If I wanted to visit the Rachel Riley fan club, I'd visit - well, you know? Speaking of Rachel, does she have any tattoos? I'd be quite prepared to spend several years attempting to lick a tramp stamp off the top of her arse crack!

Blame the police, and get some compo! Tell them Jimmy Savile fingered you and there's cash to be had from the BBC too. And have you ever been to Hillsborough...?

Those windows are no fucking use at all for dogging. Er, so I've heard...