Cuntybaws

I'd give her one, but I'd make fucking sure I was wearing a condom!

Measles causes the most vaccine-preventable deaths of any known disease. The risk of death can be as high as 1 in 10 for those with malnutrition or weakened immune systems, so that's Wales fucked then! As many as 1 in 20 children who get measles will develop pneumonia, the most common cause of death from measles in young children, followed by encephalitis, which leads to more cases of brain damage than even the wildest claims levied against the MMR vaccine. If you're not going to vaccinate you might as well just let an AIDS-ravaged junkie fuck your kids bareback.

Zimbabwe today announced they are phasing out their own currency, the Zimbabwean dollar, after more than twenty years of hyper-inflation. The good news is that you can still change any native currency you find down the sides of your settee at a rate of 35 quadrillion Z$ for every one US$. Independence for Rhodesia, they said, what could possibly go wrong?

​You dirty fucknugget!

​Or in Spanish, Senor Balls.

Did you know you can drink lava? Only once, mind.

​The top definition of Window Licker from Urban Dictionary reads: "A retard who sits in the back of the sunshine bus, licking the window whilst staring at you." You can look up the synonyms for yourself. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=window+licker I think definition # 3 gives a better sense of the phrase: noun: A windowlicker is a derogatory, informal description of someone with severe learning disabilities and/or a physical incapacity which renders them helpless when faced with the prospect of seeing a stranger through a window without smearing their mucus covered tongues all over the glass, possibly as some kind of retard greeting.Small child: Tee hee, look at those windowlickers!!!! Mother: You shouldn't be unkind, they are people too Small child: Eugh! Look at that one windowlicker with the snotty nose! Mother: Tee hee! They are funny aren't they!

​...and the prosecution rests!

​Part sheep, part amoeba, all cunt!

Fuck me, what sort of feeble minded window-licking cunt would be taken in by such a premise?

They could have just renamed it "ProfB" instead. That's the trouble with cunts today, no capacity for lateral thinking.

This week Lego introduced Turg, a new character in their Mixel range. Their website described it as "an experiment that's gone very, very wrong! Part frog, part chicken, part back-of-the-bus window-licker". Needless to say, the Twittersphere erupted in faux-outrage at the offence this might cause to window lickers and Lego changed the text, apologising profusely to those of a feeble minded disposition. I'd like to say "You couldn't make it up", but sadly you couldn't.

His real name was Hans and, to be fair, he was fucking brilliant in Die Hard!

​I'm going to apply for both of them! Just a shame they don't do The Great Rock 'n' Roll Swindle. "Wanna hear My Way, arseholes?"

​I may have previously mentioned the apocryphal story that on the day of the Admiral Duncan pub bombing a local radio station followed up their "Breaking News" bulletin by playing "Another Nail In My Heart". Fucking legends!

I bet her cunt smells of parma violets, although I wouldn't volunteer to test that theory. Where's Cobra when you need him?

​You'd be humming a different tune if your plane crashed in the Andes and Dawn was on board!

Wouldn't it be hilarious if he had a budgie called Minty?

Jools Holland is a cunt, but the nodding, finger-clicking cunts in his audience are even bigger cunts. The oily wanker himself is getting paid to be there, but the audience had a fucking choice. That's where free will gets you, Descartes, you cunt.

^ Why do French mimes smell? So that blind people can hate them too,

Coincidence? Un-fucking-likely! I always thought Londo's Elm House fixation was a double bluff... http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2944783/Leon-Brittan-buried-private-funeral.html Lord Brittan has reportedly been buried in a simple plot at Golders Green...

Is there a three-legged race event in the Paralympics? If so, she can be on my team.

​I imagine Drew and the Rev will pop up shortly with an innovative fart-based solution to your problem, Mike, so far be it from me to steal their thunder.

​I know a double bluff when I see one. Bill!