Cuntybaws

For fuck's sake Bubs, stop digging, you're getting crucified here! Besides, this is the Corner, not "Dear Deirdre". The only acceptable course of action when confronted by an ineffective employee is to set the cunt on fire.

If you can't even manage tops and fingers from the repulsive trolls in your area who are dying to meet you then nature is indeed trying to tell you something.

Of all the fans it could have happened to it turned out to be Scousers. This is the best evidence yet for the existence of a benevolent God. Compared to this, the Turin shroud is just some old wank rag. Still need more convincing? I give you the Ibrox disaster. And if the phrase "Parkhead massacre" ever enters the lexicon, I'll sacrifice my first born.

Hanging's too good for these cunts. I seem to recall Scrote mentioned a guillotine...

I am Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod. I was born in 1518 in the village of Glenfinnan on the shores of Loch Shiel, and I am immortal. There can be only one.

All these worlds are yours, except Europa. Attempt no landing there. György Ligeti was a cunt.

Cantaloupe.

If we can work out how the Mafia can tell one variety of swarthy greasebag from another, that's worth good money to Boris Johnson.

Fucking Jock savages.

For fuck's sake, stop before you get to Star Trek V.

I asked 100 women to participate in a blind taste test but at least 99% of them told me to fuck off. It's harder than it looks, science.

It's a private island, not some common hotel. And It's been even more private since the barman killed himself two days ago.

Even Jazz, at the height of his Rainman-like Jib Jab obsession, drew the line higher than this.

You've got to hand it to Mike, Bill, for the comeback off the ropes after a pummelling that would have put Rocky Balboa down for good.

I'd happily donate to the charity behind this IF they can arrange for the match to take place on Mars. That dour cunt Murray could do with some practice on clay. Mark Watney is a cunt.

Percy Sledge is the next to go, at 74. Apparently he went downhill fast. Why is it never that cunt Phil fucking Collins?

This had better not be that fucking sheep again! Quincy, sort it out for me before I get back next week, there's a love. I'd hate to have to get the Begbie avatar out of retirement.

Touché, motherfucker, touché! I'll sort you out when I get back

Hmm, you like a band that features a grown man dressed as a schoolboy? I don't like where this is headed...

It's breakfast time here and I am in the clammy grip of the ultimate margarita hangover from hell. You're fucking lucky I can see the letters on this poxy fucking iPhone, let alone arrange them into any coherent order. Ted Hughes was a cunt, but fair play to him for fucking over Sylvia Plath.

He razored the throat, Of that awful cunt Scrote, To a round of tumultuous applause.

Jack Off Jill do a song called "Strawberry Gashes" Sadly, though, that's just about emo chicks self-harming. If it's pain they're after I'd happily kick their cunts in for them.

I've been to the Vatican, and I hope the cunts can eat gold, jewels and statues, because there's fucking millions of them there. Probably cheaper than the fucking pizzas too, the robbing bastards Gerry McCann was, is, and always will be, a fucking cunt.

Kingsley is a cunt!