Cuntybaws

I don't know, I don't know. Oh God, I don't feel good. Look, my thumbs have gone weird! I'm in the middle of a bloody overdose. Oh God. My heart's beating like a fucked clock! I feel dreadful, I feel really dreadful!

Ahem...

As I'm sure you know only too well yourself, some days the ennui is overpowering and the inspiration just isn't there and the only recourse is to rehash someone else's jaded creations. Anyway, on a semi-related note, I've just got the rushes back from your latest video. What do you reckon to this still for the YouTube screen grab?

If it was Holly Golightly, the answer would be "My loosely clenched double fist".

That Mary Bell used to be a right little goer, but I wouldn't let her babysit. Unless it was for Maxine Carr.

Fuck off, you pheasant plucking Pollyanna faux-French fuckstick!

If they keep up these respective rates both Ding and Fuckmespothecunt will pass 6000 posts almost simultaneously shortly after the end of the year. By that time, there won't be anyone else left.

You can fucking well smell it though. Dirty muck-spreading, cow-shitting, sheep-shagging country cunts.

"Pain looks great on other people" - Linus Van Pelt

I was aiming for something midway between litotes and meiosis. Overambitious, maybe?

Is your fucking fist the left one or the right one? There's an old joke about a "whole finger" but I wouldn't like to steal the thunder from Scotty's Sickipedia threat.

Yacht III?

You're a hot dog but you'd better not try to hurt her, Frank Furter.

I'm more of a footlong sort of a chap.

I'm inferring it came out brown, if that helps? Where's old Skid Mark gone anyway? That wasn't the worst debut I've ever seen, no names mentioned.

I see viewing figures for last night were down by a third, as more people actually watched the Antiques Roadshow. Not just a few more people, either - 1.4 fucking million more people. That's democracy, you ginger abomination.

Is it one of those "four hole" toasters? Sorry, I mean "four slice" toasters - Freudian slip.

I'm not sure I like your tone. RIP MikeD

Better yet, charter a fleet of Airbus A380s from JFK, and while they're still fully laden with fuel ram the fuckers into some nearby tall building full of business cunts. One World Trade Center perhaps? And when they rebuild it, do it again, and keep doing it until they spell its fucking name properly.

I'm playing all the right notes — but not necessarily in the right order.

Now, now, Neil, this is a woman who has let Lewis Hamilton put his tiny dick in quite literally every orifice she possesses. Don't you think the poor cunt has suffered enough?

Wiz, now that Decs has gone (again) I think we can safely admit he was right, and the old site was a pile of trite, repetitive shit, populated by subhuman cretins who wouldn't know a real man if they were raped by one. Football fans of the Corner, unite. You have nothing to lose but your whips and chains.